Painfully Shy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Painfully Shy!
2
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 2:19pm

Ok y’all!
I have somewhat of a desperate (not really, but stay with me here) situation. I am painfully shy around men that I’m interested in. There’s this guy who I’d like to get to know better; however, I see him very infrequently and am afraid to take advantage of the next opportunity I’ll have when I see him. What I usually do when I like someone is act like I don’t like them at all. I’m very aloof, almost to the point of coming off as cold. I don’t mean to be that way. I think it’s a defense mechanism for me, like, “I don’t care if you don’t notice me…”
I’ve had only a few conversations with this guy. No, I don’t work with him (not into dating co-workers)…I’ll see him again on Wednesday. What do I do? The only other conversations we’ve had have been solely business. I’ve had the hots for this guy for a while now…I need some ideas quick, fast, and in a hurry! What do I say? How do I avoid being awkward? I’ve never given him any impression that I’m interested. Also, I WILL NOT ask this guy out…there must be something else I can do to ‘test the waters’, to see if there’s any inkling of interest on his part.

Help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: mali2579
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 3:30pm

The only way this guy will notice that you're interested is if YOU let him know. That way, if he makes a move you'll know that he's interested as well. You've had the hots for him for a while, but always act like "I don't care" every time you see him. He's known the cold, b$tchy you. You need to change this, you know.

Despite all the advise you want about how to behave, there is no way that this guy will "read your mind" if you don't let your cold attitude down while interacting with him. Taking advantage of this Wednesday is the only way to know if he's interested...if you don't take advantage of this opportunity it could be weeks or months that you see him again? You stated that see him infrequently.

The night before, brainwash your head by telling yourself that you're beautiful and interesting, smart and sexy. That will give you the courage to overcome the shyness. Dress in a flirty way and let your guard down. Let him know the real warm you. Don't confuse flirty with with easy. Wear a nice outfit, a little more color to your lips and a subtle perfume. Talk to him about other than bussines...ask about his plans for the weekend, his plans for the summer, his favorite hang out, the wacky weather, etc. There are topics to talk about; ask him questions so he can talk his brain out. Assuming that he's not involved with anyone else, while talking to him playfully laugh at his jokes and lightly touch him on his arm while making a point. If the guy looks puzzled and rather put off, stop the flirting and move on to the bussiness talk. He's not interested. On the other hand, if he likes and is interested, he'll make a move, any move.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: mali2579
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 6:02pm
First of all, I dont know where you keep running into him - that would have helped. Since you do have conversations with him, it shouldn't be too hard to convert a business only conversation to a more personal converation and then another personal conversation. Changing the subject shouldn't be too hard and you can always suggest finishing a conversation over coffee somewhere or let it go and pick it up again when you see him again. You can talk about anything like movies; "by the way, just changing the topic for a moment. did you see movie "so and so"? Because I was thinking of going to it but I didn't know anyone who had seen it?" and take it from there. Movies are a safe topic because if he has a girlfriend he might say, "my girlfriend and I saw it last week." Eventually you'll find out his interests and hobbies and it will feel more natural to move into a more personal relationship.