parents in the middle -- already?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
parents in the middle -- already?!
2
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 6:25pm

I've been dating someone for about 4 months now. We get along really well although as of late it's become more clear that his father doesn't give him the space he needs. Although he thinks this is circumstatial (his father's nephew/his cousin was killed in an auto accident last year), I fear that it's more than that. My bf has lived in the same state all of his life and although outside his parents respective homes (they're divorced), within a distance to have dinner on weekends. About feeling smothered by his father, this effects me because I find (or at least feel) that he's needing more space on the weekends, usually our time to be close, because of this!

I really don't know if/how/when I should bring this up with him. This was a serious issue in my last relationship/marriage where my ex was getting so many of his emotional needs met by his birth family that we couldn't bond well. It was his own unreadiness to be in a relationshiop. Also, at times he felt that the familial contact was too much and this translated into him needing space altogether, including from me! I'm starting to wonder if I'm about to embark down the same road with this guy. Maybe he's not ready, either...

Do you think it's too soon to bring this up with him? It's something I feel strongly about but I'm afraid I'll sound controlling and manipulative if I voice my concerns.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 6:41pm

I don't think this is something you bring up...I think this is something you observe and evaluate over time, and decide if you can deal with, or not.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 8:35pm

Maybe there is a pattern with the guys you're dating, only you could tell... but it wouldn't suit you well to bring this up to him because no force in the world can change it unless he's ready.


Time will tell...


Kerry