parents vs bf
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 06-20-2007 - 9:21pm |
i love my boyfriend. we met a year and a half ago. he has been the best boyfriend i've know by far. we laugh a lot together and wrestle around. he's there to support me through think and thin. he is passionate, caring and loving. his only negative in my eyes is a hobby of his that i think he sometimes spends to much with. It could be worse so I accept it although sometimes it does cause an arguement. he loves me and i love him.
We are in our late twenties so a lot of our family and friends always question the status of our relationship. He tells me he's not ready for that big a committment. he loves me. i told him i'm not ready to plan the wedding but i know that i want to spend the rest of my life with him. he's not at that point so we were going to break up. he drove away and after pulling over three times turned around and came back. he doesn't want to be without me but he's scared of the committment right now. (he blames it on what other men say, his own parents divorce and he sees the way my mom treats my dad - she's always yelling)
now my parents think the longer he waits the more they are convinced it's going to happen. b/c of his hobby they see him as selfish and that i'm not a priority. they think i give too much in this relationship.
my bf does give me a lot. he understands me and he loves me. he is selfish and he admits that. i am happy when i'm with him. i too am concerned if we can make this work for the long haul given his resistence.
am i a fool and blinded by love? how do i respond to my parents who i feel do not trust my judgement?

deenise99..
Pianoguy suggests you begin with these words:
"MOM...DAD...I LOVE YOU! I KNOW YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT (Bob) AND ME...BUT WE'RE BOTH HAPPY THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING RIGHT NOW!"
Then say nothing more...let them go into the "why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free argument" or whatever rant they wish to use!
Once they're finished---say THANK YOU, rub the tear out of your right eye, and SAY NOTHING MORE!
Trust me...at least one parent...(probably your Mom)...will understand where you're coming from and take your side!
Good Luck!
Pianoguy
It is difficult to respond about your BF's selfishness without knowing your BF's hobby.
But, without that info, based on what you posted I would say that your parents' reaction is normal for parents. They don't want to see you invested in a relationship in your late 20's that will not lead to marriage. If you are happy at the moment, and that is all that is important to you, then you just need to explain that to your parents. If they realize that someday you would like to be married, but that time isn't any time soon, then maybe they can just be happy for you in the present time and not worry about marriage and grandkids.
"he doesn't want to be without me but he's scared of the committment right now. (he blames it on what other men say, his own parents divorce and he sees the way my mom treats my dad - she's always yelling)" ---- while I can understand his apprehension, many people use that as an excuse to not commit to marriage to a SO that they already know they will not want to marry - they just dont' want to tell the truth because they like seeing and dating their SO and dont' want to lose THAT, but will feign the "scared" routine out of selfishness. On the other hand - there are alot of bad marriages out there.