Personal Space & Jealousy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Personal Space & Jealousy
4
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 1:13am

Hi,

I have been dating a wonderful guy for the past 8 months. When I get frustrated, he is the calm in the storm; when I come home from a long day at work, he is in the kitchen making me dinner. Not that any man can't do the above, but we also have a lot of values in common which have made the relationship strong.

My problem: my boyfriend doesn't understand the idea of personal time (time to myself) and often thinks that work or class counts (or basically any time that doesn't include him). I am the type of person that likes time to myself to reflect, chill out, and write, and my bf tends to balk at the idea of having time alone. It seems that now that I am also pursuing my degree, he has become even more aware of the lack of "his" time with me.

To make matters worse, I feel as though there is a jealousy factor that also plays into this situation. At least 5-6 times a day, I get questions like, "Oh did you do that with your ex-boyfriend" -- "Did you get hit on today" -- " I see that ___ called, do you have a hot date with him too?". At first I took all of these things as jokes, however, I think I have reached my limit.

Has anyone else experienced a situation like this? Can it be resolved? If so, how? I talked to my boyfriend tonight about it, but I don't believe it is completely resolved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 10:42am
It sounds like your bf has jealousy problems. I doubt he'll change. The way I see it is you presented your case and if he hears you, good. However, if he doesn't, we just can't change someone else. Good luck.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 12:19pm

It sounds like your BF is either insecure or controlling. If he's insecure, it's possible that with counseling, he might change, but if he's controlling, it's less likely that he'll change.

What did he say when you talked to him about it?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 4:21pm

Hey Sher,


Curious to know why you think a controlling person cannot change with counseling...


Thanks!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 6:58pm

I've read in more than one source that counseling isn't effective for controlling people...it just doesn't "take"...the theory on why is that people who are like this aren't really open to therapy--they think they "know better" or are smarter than the therapist. The success rate is something abyssmal like 1%.

Sheri