Phone calls

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Phone calls
8
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 2:05pm
I posted a question earlier about NYE call. My BF is in South America for 27 days. It is been 17 days without one phone call from him. He says it is too expensive! fine I thought he would call once on NYE but he did not.
Instead he emailed me at 11:00 pm to wish me a happy new year!!! I m sure if I dont mention my disappointment, 27 days will go by without hearing his voice! I dont want to just chat! I miss him and I want to hear his voice. To me I sense some clashing values here. He has priorities and for him the priority is to save some $$ rather than calling his GF. I m sending an email about that but I m very disappointed that he is capable of spending 27 days without calling and we are only 4 months into our relationship!
I know that NYE is not as important to everyone but how about calling once or twice in 27 days. Is it something personal? would you feel ok not hearing from BF in 30 days but throguh emails and chats??
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: juliara2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 2:15pm

If he was in a foreign country where phoning is difficult and/or expensive? Yes, I would be OK with him not calling. He is not trying to "save money" as you put it, he's in South America - he has said that it is difficult and expensive to call. He has been in touch with you so it's not like he's not thinking of you.

Why can't you call him? If it's SO important for you to hear his voice then you need to either do that, or you need to communicate to him in a NON-ACCUSATORY MANNER that you miss him and would like to hear his voice even if only for a minute and would appreciate it if he could give you a call. You are setting expectations and getting disappointed in him but you haven't laid out those expectations to him so getting disappointed is futile.

FWIW - it IS very expensive to call from a foreign country a lot of times. He told you he couldn't call you and it may not be in his priorities to call you to "chat" especially when it costs so much.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: juliara2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 5:16pm

Have you considered Skype? You download it from the net and it's free to call from your computer to his. Add a web cam and that way you both can talk for as long as you want. Here's the link: http://www.skype.com/helloagain.html

You've been dating for only 4 months and he's already exhibiting these behaviors, that's a bad sign. It's also possible that he's not that into you anyways. Maybe, you can cut your losses and move on to a guy who is not LD and who doesn't show these behaviors early in the relationship. I suspect that you can rant and rave and he's not changing...he's already said "it's too expensive".

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: juliara2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 5:49pm

My BF went to New Zealand for a month last summer and we communicated over emails and chats. We did it that way because it is VERY expensive to call overseas. So no, for me anyway, it's not really a big deal. As long as I knew he was okay, I was fine with it.

Besides - you guys have only been dating for four months. That's not very long at all. I think you're making way too much over this. But like I said before, what's important to you isn't necessarily important to others, so you should maybe move on and try to find a guy who is willing to make more of a commitment to you and your wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: juliara2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 6:45pm
I did not get any calls from him while my friend (and his friend now) whom I met about 6 months ago was in the same country and called me to say Happy New Year!! This made me flip! I was shocked that my BF does not call and is satisfied with sending emails while his friend who is my friend calls!! (however my friend is in the capital city and obviously is a bit more generous than my BF!!!)
I cant call him kuz he is staying in different motels with no phone in rooms... we chatted about it and he felt bad and said he will call me as soon as he gets a chance. (most probably tonite kuz he was very appologetic) I felt bad kuz his phone is not working where he is now and he will be making an extra effort to call. I m not questionning that he is into me. He has been emailin every other day and he is always telling me how much he misses me... but I sense we have different appreciation of $$. I would spend $100 on a phone call if I felt that I miss him one day but he would not spend $20! It does not mean he does not like me enough but it means we have different values I hope we can agree on some sort of middle ground kuz I like him and dont want to loose him over this...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: juliara2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 7:40pm

<<<<.....but I sense we have different appreciation of $$. I would spend $100 on a phone call if I felt that I miss him one day but he would not spend $20! It does not mean he does not like me enough but it means we have different values I hope we can agree on some....>>>

Have you thought about how much it means 20.00 dollars to the currency in his country??? It may be a lot to spend in a phone call. He may need that money to buy food or pay for expenses. He's told you he's saving money so you're judgment is somewhat unfair to his situation. He e-mails you and such, but you're not satisfy. If you want to reach some kind of middle ground, why don't you research a bit. Not everyone is paid in dollars. Depending on his country and type of job, he may be getting minimum wage and not in dollars. 20.00 dollars may not seem much to you, BUT it may signify A LOT to him. You can afford to spend 100.00 in a call, but apparently he cannot not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: juliara2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:34pm

But he is on vacation there. He works in my city and makes dble what I make! I would definitely understand if he was poor but this is not the case. He is relatively well off. He makes more money than I make and he has way less expenses than I have. Still when I was on vacation I called every week and now he is on vacation but he does not call. He chats and emails kuz internet there is 50cents/hour!!!
I like everything about him. I m just worried that he may be frugal/cheap!

Edited to say:
Yay He just called me. He is the sweetest person I ve ever met! :~)

Edited for typos




Edited 1/1/2007 10:06 pm ET by juliara2003
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: juliara2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:47pm

<<<<....But he is on vacation there. He works in my city and makes dble what I make! I would definitely understand if he was poor but this is not the case. He is relatively well off. ......He chat and emails kuz internet there is 50cents/hour!!!
I like everything about him. I m just worried that he may be frugal/cheap! ....>>>

This new info changes the situation. It's possible that he's indeed cheap. How was he when you were dating locally? Did he plan and invite you to go places? Or did you go dutch or you paid for it all? Did he bring you flowers or cards to remind you are special to him? How has your dating deal has been?

Another possibility is that he's got his hands full with a new romance where he is on vacation. I may be off, but this could be something that is preventing him from spending money to calling you. He's got the money saved to pay for his escapades.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: juliara2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 9:15pm

Oh good grief - let's not make wild speculations here. He MIGHT be frugal but I sincerely doubt that he is cheating on her!! He is in contact with her and now has called her. Speculation and suspicion like that do not foster healthy thinking. Seriously, why even go there??

To the OP, now that you communicated your disappointment, he called. Good. Communication is key. What your friend did as opposed to what your boyfriend did is not relevant - do not compare the two. Now that your b/f has called just let it go and be happy that now that you told him your expectations, he lived up to them.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo