Physical Intimacy Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2014
Physical Intimacy Question
11
Tue, 02-04-2014 - 8:45am

Hi,

I'm new to the Boards but not to ivillage, and hoping to get some insight from everyone here!

I'm in a relationship with a deeply faithful Christan man who has recently said he wants to stop having a physical relationship (we had sex then stopped, but now he wants to only kiss due to his faiththat sex should be reserved for a permanent union- gay or straight, we just happen to both be straight). I asked if he really just wanted to just take a break but he said not at all and that once we're married he'd like to have sex on a daily! At the same time, he's started asking me about marriage, future goals/dreams, and we've started having serious discussions about creating a life together as a married couple.

I'm just wondering is this a sign he's getting serious or is this a way of sublty ending things? I'm a Unitarian who goes to a Christian church, so I respect his faith but am just not used to dating such a religious man. I have dicsussed this with him first, but he says he just wants to marry me before having sex. What makes me doubt is my past: my ex-husband secretly wanted to be a woman (reason why we ended our sexless marriage), so I'm more sensitive to the idea of no physical intimacy. 

Thanks! ClimberGal16

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Sun, 02-16-2014 - 1:10am

What does he say about why it was okay to have sex for a few months, then fool around without penetration for a few months, before deciding that now it can be only kissing? Did he forget his church's teachings, or not care for a while, or ?? If he had said from the get-go that his faith didn't allow sex before marriage it would be one thing, but him "changing the rules" every few months (especially about an issue that is kind of a hot-button for you) would be troubling.

I see a few red flags here: the inconsistencies mentioned above, the differences between you two in religious fervor, his past guilt issues with sex, and the age gap which includes your differences in life experience, career development etc. I would question how well he knows what he believes and wants, which would be a concern when marriage enters the picture. Proceed with caution.

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