Pianoguy? I'm sad. Need your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Pianoguy? I'm sad. Need your advice.
4
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 4:59pm

I'm the girl who took my guy to the baseball game.

Everything was going very very well with him. No sex yet (going on 2.5 months), but I was hoping to have it last night. I really, really like this man. We get along beautifully and laugh all the time and....it's just perfect. We hadn't talked about exclusivity yet, so ......I don't know, maybe that's my fault...but anyway....

So, last night he says, "I have to tell you something and you're not going to like it."

He was seeing someone else while seeing me. A woman I know.

The very unfortunate part of the night is that we were both drunk last night, so I don't remember all of what he said. I know I barely said a word....I was shocked. Like I said, we're not exclusive. Yes, it was my fault for assuming that.

I know he said something about wanting to be with me, but I don't remember what I said ...other than "you have to leave," which he knew he did. I also don't remember if he said he was STILL seeing her. I don't know how he can as we've been together non-stop for the past month.

Help me. Is he telling me b/c he WANTS to take the next step with me? I mean, am I a totally naive person?

I love this man. I know I have to talk to him. He hasn't phoned me today.....I hate waiting for him to call. Should I call? I really need advice. I'm so sad...and hurt. I didn't think this could ever happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 6:47pm

lonely_bridget...

After reading your post twice, Pianoguy was tempted to send you a plane ticket for a FREE WEEKEND in the state of Maine! . But since more tourists are spending their Labor Weekend DRIVING to their destinations (instead of flying)...and the fact that you'd probably get the wrong impression...PG decided NOT to call the local airline on your behalf!!!

So would you mind if I ask a serious question?

After 2.5 months of dating, didn't you have "the slightest clue" that this man had been seeing another woman...who happened to be someone you knew personally?

There are plenty of men who will CANCEL OUT or OFFER REGRETS about not being able to attend a 'weekend activity! Especially if we're preoccupied with something or someone else?

Granted...there ARE some of us who often make the excuse that "we have so much work to do that we're not available to socialize?"

So you might want to ask yourself: "how many times did he turn me down when I brought up the possibility of going out...or getting together?" .

Bridget...a man (or woman) can only BE EXCLUSIVE to one person! And from the sound of your words...his interest in YOU doesn't extend to the point of 'exclusivity!' It's entirely possible the man you're crazy about would enjoy a good friendship with you? And this 'friendship' could mean anything from S-E-X---to just sharing a little quality time together?

But in the long run...you don't appear to be THE NUMERO UNO WOMAN in HIS life at the present time?

Sorry I can't be more optomistic or provide the words you'd probably prefer to hear?

However, if you'd like to discuss this a little further...you're welcome to click on my ivillage profile and email me directly? Perhaps I can help you sort things out and make you a little happier?

Hugs...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 10:38pm
I know you asked for PG's advise...but I can't help but write this. Don't call him. I am glad this did not happen, after being sexually involved with him. I don't know the reason he told you, but, at this point in time, I would say you need to stay away from him and try to move on. He needs to figure things out. He needs to decide who he wants to date exclusively, and whether at all he wants to be exclusive with any one of you to begin with. He should know he can't have his cake and eat it too. The good thing is he has been honest with you not too late in the game, and you must be thankful for that. He probably felt you were really into him and he owed you the truth. Perhaps his conscience was bothering him. You seem to be emotionally invested in him. Do you want to keep getting hurt? Keep your distance from him. Time will be bring more clarity.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 11:22pm

Thank you.

Actually, he asked to be exclusive. The next day. When we were sober. I think alcohol got in the way of what he was trying to say, which was:

1) he wasn't seeing only me
2) he was honest about who he was seeing (it would be weird and dishonest if he hadn't told me who -- long story)
3) he wants to be with me only...exclusively.

The next day he called and wanted to talk about how things didn't go the way he had planned (alcohol), and he knew I'd be "stumped" with the confession of the other girl (he spends ALL his time with me, so I don't know how he had time, but apparently it was only a few dates (2?) with the other girl.

At any rate, it was a big misunderstanding (I basically didn't let him finish what he wanted to say that night...I was too drunk and too shocked). He took me out the following day and we're fine. Actually, we are better than fine. I've noticed that he's more talkative about wants and things like that, and we're on the same page.

So,we're fine. I appreciate the post, though. I'm not done yet...with posting. I want this relationship to work...I definitely see myself with him and I've never "seen" that before, so I may need advice later on. =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 6:48pm
Very glad to know about the update. Happy for you. It was nice of him to get things cleared with you and to meet with you the next day. That's great! Please feel free to post anytime! We are all here to help each other :). Take care, and all the best!