player? please help!
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 04-24-2007 - 4:33am |
Hi everyone,
I am a 21 year old college student with a slightly complicated problem. I’d really appreciate ANY advice.
A few weeks ago, I met an absolutely great looking guy (I’ll call him TJ) briefly at a party. Not only is TJ physically flawless, but he is a student at a very prestigious, elite university, comes from a wealthy background and is incredibly charming. We exchanged phone numbers and agreed to meet up again.
This past weekend, TJ invited me to a party he was hosting. I attended and had a nice time socializing. TJ is very charming and seems to have a huge number of friends. When I eventually had to leave, TJ kept saying he wished I did not have to leave. He put his arms around me as we were saying goodbye. Then, he kissed me for a minute and told me he’d take me to dinner later in the week.
Two hours after I got home from the party, I received text messages from TJ. The first said “I wish you didn’t have to leave. I want you here.” I responded and said I would come another time. I got another text saying “I wish you were here with me.” Then a third saying “Come back.”
I figured TJ had gotten drunk, so I ignored the last message and went to sleep. The next morning, I received a text saying, “wow, I just read my messages and I am very embarrassed. It was late and I drank too much.” I texted back, telling TJ not to worry about it.
That night, I received a phone call from TJ. He asked how my day was and stated again how embarrassed he was. I was very nice and forgave him. He said he would like to meet up again soon to get dinner and we chatted for a few minutes.
Today, TJ contacted me again. This time, it was via Instant Message (we are college students, so this is common). He once again asked how my day was. We talked for a bit, then he asked if I would “be interested in coming over to watch a movie later in the week.”
Suddenly, I have become very skeptical. I may be greatly overthinking this, but TJ was asking me to watch a movie in his room later in the week(no mention of dinner). After the kiss, the drunken texts, and the invitation to his room to watch a movie, I can’t help but feel he is only interested in me sexually and that I am being used.
I am quite confused by all of this because, although I am a very pretty and smart girl, TJ is gorgeous and incredibly intelligent. He could easily have any woman he could possibly want- and he appears to know MANY women. Why is he making such an effort to see me? Why would someone so attractive make such an effort to see a girl he has just met? Am I reading this all wrong?
Please advise! I am getting rather frustrated by the situation and am not quite sure how to handle it. I do not want to get hurt.
-Vanessa

If you are concerned about his intentions, then stick to the dinner invitiation and remind him that you were looking forward to that dinner and it would be fun and you have no problem watching a movie at his place down the road, but not right away. That will send a clear message to him.
You are not overthinking your instincts are sending you a red flag.
"He could easily have any woman he could possibly want- and he appears to know MANY women. Why is he making such an effort to see me? Why would someone so attractive make such an effort to see a girl he has just met? Am I reading this all wrong?"
Some women fall for what he did with you that night and see it as a sign of passion when you are probably right - it was a ruse/drunk/same difference - and the profuse apology could also be insincere. You are not going to know more until you go out to dinner with him. And that is your choice to explore further.
A guy like this is difficult to date because he appeals to so many different types of women and they would consider him a good catch and usually there is an ego to match. He obviously became interested in you, for the reasons you mentioned, pretty and smart and I'm sure very personable.
Guys like challenges and they test you unmercifully. He wants to see how you envision yourself with him - sex or relationship. If he can cheap out and get you to sleep with him right away then he makes out good. He knows the right things to say, being so charming as you described him. While guys test...we test too...it is just not so obvious to them - because they are men and only THEY can test well. Hah!
There is nothing wrong with going to a guy's place to watch a movie, after a number of dates but you need to be comfortable with it.
Have you been through this drill before?
IMHO, TJ may want to see you again because he thinks you're interesting. His texts and such mean that he's interested. You kissed and you both liked it. Perhaps he wants some more and that's fine if you want it as well. However, his offer of watching a movie in his room is not appropriate due to the fact that he's a stranger and you want to date properly and not be a one night stand. In this case, if you're interested in seeing him again it's up to you to decide where to meet for another date. Instead of his room you could say that you rather meet at a restaurant, club, cafe or else where you can share time and talk and get to know each other.
It's possible that TJ is used to have women, any woman, when he wants and where he wants given that he's such a "good catch", so you may have to let him know what you want. I'm not sure if he's a player yet. That will come with getting to know him.