Please advise in this situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2005
Please advise in this situation
3
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 2:36am

me and bf went out for 8 months. then we broke up coz of various reasons. first reason was the long distance was gettin frustrating. second, he got way too busy with work and could not come often to see me. third reason, i wanted to go real slow, and wasn't sure of my feelings for him. anyway, we broke up. but the weird thing is, he is keeping the friendship going, and calls me every single day. he told me i am free to see anybody but he is not ready to see anybody. anyway, he plans to meet me over thanksgiving, and might be here in my city for a few days....and i am kinda uncomfortable. i mean, we have broken up! another thing is--one day when i went out with a friend, he got very upset with me that i did not call him to let him know b4 i went out. later he apologized for that. in another situation, i was on the other line with a friend, when he called, so when he asked me "so who were u talking to", i said "a friend", and he started questioning me more. i got real upset. why does he have to know?

can u all see what is going on? coz, i am real confused about what he is going through and what he wants from me. is he interested in restarting the relationship? i dont know what to do. his calling everyday, does not seem right to me. i dont even miss him actually.

what would u have done...

thank you for any input..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 8:29am

I've been reading about controlling men. It sounds like your ex-boyfriend is trying to get you back. And even if you were dating, which you aren't any longer, his behaviors are big red flags. You shouldn't have to account for everyone you're talking to, etc. Also, talking everyday isn't even normal for dating people in the beginning. I've read that really, good lasting relationships develope very slowly over a period of months. It sounds like he's very insecure. It'd be nice if reassuring someone like that helped, but generally it just makes them more insecure and controlling.

My advice would be to either break off all contact with him, or short of that, lay down some rules. For example, that he only call you once-a-week, if you're comfortable with that. This guy doesn't sound like a friend. He sounds like he needs someone, you, to act out his bad feelings on. You don't need that. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 1:38pm
he;'s trying to hang on to something which you have let go off and it's not fair to either of you. so tell him right now you don't think the friendship is healthy, it's keeping the two of you from starting over so for now at least you feel it's better for both of you to severely limit contact.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 1:42pm

I vote for the you don't need him in your life at all option, not even once a week calls

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