Please confirm (or not) my friends feelings

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Please confirm (or not) my friends feelings
6
Wed, 08-07-2013 - 2:50pm

This is my friends experience not mine:

Friend has been casually seeing a guy who came onto her very strong.  He spoke of feeling chemistry with her, "connected" and all of that.  When they first met in public (both belong to a social group), each time they enjoyed talking to each other.  He said he loved talking to her, both agreed they had a lot in common.

They have gotten together a few times...he comes on strongly physically but yet says he loves her style, her interests etc.

Okay...after not communicating for a long time (they decided to "cool off" for a bit) he suddenly texts her in the middle of the night Saturday night (12:30 AM).  No "hello, how are you"?  no "is it ok to text?", no "are you awake?", no "do you want to talk?".

He simply texts something very suggestive....asking if she is wanting to "hook up".

This is after a month of his not reaching out at all.

My friend feels this is rude and inconsiderate of her feelings.  She feels it shows he is not interested in her as a person...and doesn't seem to care to wake her up or bother with engaging with some conversation.

My friend brought up the late night text and he simply said "I was lonesome and reaching out".

Friend told him "I don't think you really like me".  She didn't say it in an angry way, just matter of factly. He said "yes I do" but then no asking her why she may think that. 

Is it not obvious he is just interested in sex? That it's just a convenience for him? That he is thoughtless?  Disrespectful?

Just want to confirm feelings/impressions with this.

 

 

 


 

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-07-2013 - 7:22pm

I agree that texting someone late at night asking to hook up means he's interested in sex--he didn't even pretend that he wasn't.  I guess I'd have to know what their previous relationship was like--you said casually seeing someone, so I gather that there was no commitment to each other yet I assume they had had sex before.  I don't think it really indicates that he doesn't like her as a person but I think it indicates that when a guy finds a woman who is willing to have sex without a relationship being established first, the guy will figure that he doesn't really need to do more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Wed, 08-07-2013 - 9:50pm

Yes, they did have sex...and yes, it was uncommitted.  It felt very natural for her and very nice and he felt the same.

She is just hurt that after all this time, not even a "how are you"?

Perhaps it's just tactless.

 

Soliel
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 08-08-2013 - 3:59am

 So?  it sounds like your friend does not communicate well.  The mating dance has become very confusing in today's world. 

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2007
Thu, 08-08-2013 - 4:37pm

Is it possible the guy had been drinking?  That is my first thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Fri, 08-09-2013 - 10:06am

Is it possible you are talking about yourself Tongue Out?

Avatar for purp2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010
Sat, 08-10-2013 - 2:12pm

I totally agree with MusicLover:

 I don't think it really indicates that he doesn't like her as a person but I think it indicates that when a guy finds a woman who is willing to have sex without a relationship being established first, the guy will figure that he doesn't really need to do more.

The way she behaved at the beginning of the relationship probably sent out very mixed signals. Seems she had the feeling that it wouldn't work out but went ahead anyways.

Sometimes men believe that once they have had sex with a woman, and it was good, that they have a free pass to keep going there.

If she wants to try again there is a big uphill battle ahead of her to clarify what her expectations of a relationship are and to teach him how to treat her.

Probably best to just go "no contact".