Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Please help!
5
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 10:43am

Hi all

I have this huge problem. I met this beutiful girl in a bar few moths back,and we ended up in bed.It was the best sex ever we made love the whole night.I´ve seen her quite often after this incident(well at least once a week lol).The problem is that i have a boyfriend who doesen´t know,plus i think im falling in love with her and third first i didn´t think it as cheating but now im not so sure.

Id like to know what you think and am i lesbian or what? Im desperate because i have no idea what to do! Thanks for your help

Mia

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sexy_mia
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 10:54am

sexy_mia...

PG noticed that you didn't indicate whether this was your 1st serious sexual encounter with another woman or not....so his response might not make a lot of sense?

Anyway...if it wasn't your first time, I think you're acting a little hasty about putting "a lesbian label" on yourself? The curiosity of sleeping with another woman was probably a TURN ON? (I guess it is for some women?) However, if you and your ladyfriend are spending all of your 'close encounters' in the bedroom---then it's entirely possible you're SHIFTING GEARS from male to female?

It's also possible you enjoy 'close enounters' with both sexes? But if this is the case, would you please be honest about it with your boyfriend?

Many men REALLY HATE THE IDEA of sharing the women we're in love with somebody else, irregardless of whether the person is male OR female!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: sexy_mia
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 5:18pm

Why did you not think it was cheating?

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
In reply to: sexy_mia
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 5:52am
I really don´t know why i didn´t think it as cheating. Maybe i just thought well i don´t know what i thought. Then about that choosing part. I don´t want to lose either of them and that is quite confusing. Because i know should choose but i don´t want to. i know it´s not fair to my bf but life usually isn´t (believe me i know).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: sexy_mia
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 9:40am

You don't have to choose one person over the other. But if you want to be an honorable woman, you should be honest with your boyfriend so that he knows who you are, and so he can make an informed decision about whether he is willing to "share" you with someone else. Otherwise you're just cheating and sneaking. Yes, you DO run the risk of being rejected if you're honest with him. But it would be 10 X worse if he finds out some other way that you've not only been cheating but that you've been lying to him.

I do think it's significant that your new side romance is with another woman. That's a new aspect that you are discovering about yourself, and it may mean you're a lesbian or bisexual for the rest of your life. Then again, maybe it's a one-time thing and you'll realize you prefer men.

But I think you owe it to yourself to thoroughly explore the feelings you are having in this relationship with a woman... and you need to do it with a CLEAN CONSCIENCE. You can't really get to the truth of who you are if you're sneaking, lying and feeling shame about what you're doing.

Tell your boyfriend or break up with him. But don't cheat, hon.

I wish you well. Let us know how things are going.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
In reply to: sexy_mia
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 8:02pm
You are Bisexual, and yes you need to tell your man. Whoever you wind up cheating on him with, it's considered cheating. Don't be selfish. Tell him. Maybe he's not hitting it right, and you need that chick afterall!