please help
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| Mon, 03-08-2004 - 5:19pm |
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 11 months. And since were only 15 thats a long time. and our realtionship was (is) so good and we're in love. :)
BUT! i get very jealous of other girls he talks to. I talk to other guys and dont think anything of it, but when he talks to other girls i automatically think they're flirting and they like eachother. i feel bad because it makes him think i dont trust him... and i do but after he kissed another girl while i was out of town this summer i automatically think something bad will happen. what can i do to stop feeling like this?
also... he is a very good wrestler and weight lifter. and wrestling season just ended 2 weeks ago and i thought we'd be able to be together right after school. but he still goes and wrestles and works out after school until 5 or 6. it drives me crazy!! i know this is his life - and thats just what he does but... i dont know, it just gets to me.
I feel like i am the one putting most of the effort into the relationship. He loves me and is very sweet and everything, but i always go out of my way to meet him on his way to class and talk to him - even just to say hi for a minute. and he never trys. i think thats just a guy thing, but im not sure. I just do sweet things that i know he likes, like massage him without him even asking and if i want something i have to ask or ill never get it. is that just how boys are or can i nicely tell him something that will open his eyes?
one last thing, i think he is kind of self centered. he is an only child so he is used to having things his way. but sometimes i think all he worrys about is himself. how can i tell him, nicely to consider my feelings too sometimes?
I just said all this terrible stuff about me and my boyfriends relationship and it sounds - from this - that he's no good and we should just break up . but thats not the case, our relationship really is good these are just things i've picked up throughout out time together. any advice would be greatly appreciated, please help me. thank you in advance. :)

Realize also that you are 15 and this is not likely to be your only or your last relationship. Fifteen, and any age really, is a good time to start learning more about yourself and your values. It is good that your bf has other interests, it's also good he stays healthy by working out. Find some interests of your own that will occupy your time so that 1) you are not sitting around waiting for him to call or show up - it's not healthy to do that and 2) so that you grow into a well rounded woman. Some suggestions are reading, exercise (somewhere other than the place he does this), or some kind of hobby.
Sometimes it feels like I put more effort into relationships too. Just keep in mind the things you do that are out of your way and make mental notes if he appreciates them or not. Then try sometimes to NOT do something you want to do (like go out of your way before class), simply because it's not good to always give up something and get nothing. Let him miss you a little and take confidence in the fact that you don't have to see him before class to have a good day.
As far as telling him to consider your feelings more or to go out of his way more, of course, a relationship is a two way street. Sometimes when you are calm and he is not distracted and willing to talk, just mention a certain situation and how you felt about it. Be careful not to use words like "never" and "always" and make the conversation about specific behaviors. Also remember he is not responsible for your feelings. You are. He is free to act however he wants, and you are free to walk away. But if he is open to a mature discussion, then it is a good idea to develop a habit of communicating openly. You other option is to not mention it, especially if you think he won't listen or doesn't care... and if that is the case note it on your list of things you don't like about him.
As for the jealousy, this is a matter of trust. Either you trust him or you don't. If he kissed a girl, and you think he'll do it again, then you don't trust him. If that is the case, put it on the list of things you don't like about him. If you trust him, then stop acting like you don't trust him.
Most importantly, remember that you can choose to grow into a strong, independent woman who gets most of what she needs out of relationships, or else chooses to walk away from those relationships. This is your choice. Establish in your mind now what you will tolerate and won't tolerate. Put it on your list. This relationship might continue for sometime and seem good, and it also could end at some point by either of your choosing. The point is to make sure you are making good decisons about who you are in a relationship with and being true to yourself.
I wish you the best.