PLEASE HELP ME!
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PLEASE HELP ME!
| Mon, 04-12-2004 - 1:25pm |
OK, I love my boyfirend more than I've ever loved anyone... but he is a complete jack ass lately! 3 days before our 1-year anniversary ( which I was really excited about), he said that he didn't want to go to the beach like we planned because it was going to rain ( I didn't care if it rained, as long as I was with him and we got to get out of the house for once, but I said fine. ) Then yesterday was our anniversary and he shut off the alarm clock, and by the time we woke up, it was too late to do anything except go to dinner. We went and had a nice dinner, but when we got home, we were laying down watching a movie, and he started to initiate sex, so I hinted that I would like him to perform oral sex on me... (which I had done to him briefly earlier, and I ALWAYS do for him, and he's never had a problem returning the favor before) but he just pretty much didn't want to do it,so he turned his back to me and went to sleep without saying a word.) Needless to say, our anniversary completely sucked, and I went downstairs to sleep.
Now today I talked to him, and he said that he just wasn't in the mood to do it... (like that ever mattered when HE wanted it!!?!) then towards the end of our conversation, he asked if I would mind if he went home and masturbated before I come home from work!!! What the heck is that all about??!!! He has no clue how to be romantic anymore, and it seems like any effort he has to put towards our relationship is a hassle. But yet when I get close to throwing in the towel, and let him know that he IS wrong, he gets all upset and puts hmself on a guilt trip about how terrible a boyfriend he is, and blah blah blah.
Then I end up comforting him, and he says he's sorry, and a few days later, he's back to the same crap! How do I break the cycle, and why is he like this?
Now today I talked to him, and he said that he just wasn't in the mood to do it... (like that ever mattered when HE wanted it!!?!) then towards the end of our conversation, he asked if I would mind if he went home and masturbated before I come home from work!!! What the heck is that all about??!!! He has no clue how to be romantic anymore, and it seems like any effort he has to put towards our relationship is a hassle. But yet when I get close to throwing in the towel, and let him know that he IS wrong, he gets all upset and puts hmself on a guilt trip about how terrible a boyfriend he is, and blah blah blah.
Then I end up comforting him, and he says he's sorry, and a few days later, he's back to the same crap! How do I break the cycle, and why is he like this?
Signatures On
| Mon, 04-12-2004 - 3:05pm |
You break the cycle by not buying into it. When he goes on his pity party trip, just tell him that you agree. "I'm a horrible boyfriend." "Yep, you are." And leave it at that. Believe me, he'll start shutting up. Most often times, people act the way they do because they can get away with it. So stop letting him get away with it and see if anything changes. If nothing does, you might want to consider ending the relationship because this certainly isn't fair to you. Good luck.
| Mon, 04-12-2004 - 3:17pm |
Unfortunately it takes a LOT more than love alone to create a happy, healthy relationship. "How do I break the cycle, and why is he like this?" You break the cycle by facing facts. You're unhappy with the relationship as is, and with him as he is. Why is he like he is? WHO KNOWS? Why is anyone the way they are? The best thing anyone can do for themselves is to find someone who they ARE happy and content with AS IS. When a relationship is a daily struggle that's a good sign that it's not working for you and not the right fit (yes, even if love is present). Don't ever expect or rely on another person to change so that you can be happy. The only way to find happiness is to make the right choices for yourself. Bad choices = unhappiness. Period.
