Please help me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Please help me!
2
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 1:51pm
I have been steady with my boyfriend for about 7 months now, and I am an extremely trusting person. Lately I cannot help but to question my intuition and gut feeling that my boyfriend may be cheating on me. He is an extremely outgoing man whom I currently reside with and has many friends, some of which are his ex-girlfriends. His latest ex is in the habit of stopping by unannounced, such as on this past Valentine's Day to show him pictures and give him a rather inappropriate Valentine's Day card. He claims over and over that he simply placates her so not to cause himself any problems, disputes, issues, etc. However, he also claims that he does not attempt to contact her, maintain any kind of friendship, relationship, but that one day she will come to realize that he really does not want anything to do with her and she will eventually stop trying to contact him. The problem is, he often takes his phone (which is equipped with speaker phone on it) into the bathroom with him when taking care of his business and about 3 weeks ago I was almost positive I heard him make a call and the voicemail that picked up was none other than that of his ex I've spoken of. He quickly turned off his phone, but I'm almost sure I caught the first part of her name. I did not confront him, but he could tell something was not quite right with me and issesently kept asking me if anything was wrong, which to me almost seems like an admonission of guilt. When she stopped by on V-Day he spoke to her like they were close friends, looked through her pictures with her, then once inside, told me that she's crazy and how much he despises her. Then, just this morning both of us were sitting by the phone when he decided to play his phone messages. The second message was from her, and it stated that she was calling back to touch base because the previous message HE LEFT HER was unclear, and that she had decided not to be somewhere just in case 'they' (he and friends?) decided to come. Help me!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 2:15pm

Well, it seems pretty clear that he's lying to you about his contact with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 2:20pm
I think it's more than intuition that is causing your suspicions. Would you continue any kind of contact with an ex whom you despise and think of as "crazy"? He's an outgoing guy and has many friends so why would he spend any of his precious time "placating" someone he hates and doesn't want in his life? Add that to the content of her last message to him and it sounds more like he's "placating" YOU. I usually don't advise telling a partner with whom he can be friends, but in your case, what he says about her and what he does don't match up. If I were in your shoes, I'd straight out confront him about this and if you feel he's lying then tell him to prove he means what he says by cutting off all contact with her. If he refuses then you'll have to make a decision whether or not you can stay with a man you don't trust and who you consider a liar and a possible cheater.