Please - Need Some Advice :)
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Please - Need Some Advice :)
| Mon, 09-13-2004 - 11:26am |
I really need some advice here because I am really confused on what's going on in my "relationship". Ok, first off, I'm 23 years old and I have been dating this guy that I met off of an online dating service for the past two months now. The very first time we met, it was instant chemistry between us. I'm usually not affectionate until way down the road in a relationship and yet, Within the first half hour of our first date, we were already holding hands and doing all the cutesy couple things. We also talked on the phone practically every day for hours at a time and saw each other almost every weekend. This has been going on now for two months and they have been the best two months that I've had in a very long time. I feel more compatable with him than I have even with my ex that I was with for three years, which worries me about this whole situation. Here's the thing, when we first started talking, he asked me what I was looking for and I told him that I was sick of dating and wanted someone serious. When asked the same question, he said he wasn't sure and didn't know if he wanted anything serious right now. So, that had bothered me then and figured that it wouldn't go anywhere. But now, two months later, we're still together and we've taken the "relationship" to the next level by having sex. Afterward, he was affectionate (lol...while he slept) and didn't act any differently after sex that night. I got worried that after that night though, I'd never hear from him again and yet he called me the next day and we've talked a lot since then as well as went on another date, which didn't involve intercourse. He throws out little hints here and there that he sees this relationship continuing past the holidays and into the new year, which I am really hoping it does b/c I can't imagine what it would be like without him...is it too soon to be thinking like that? I've heard of love at first sight and soul mates and things like that, but I never thought that I would actually feel that. But, what if he doesn't feel the same way? Here's my problem...I want to know where I stand with him. We hardly ever talk about "us"...actually, we never have and that worries me a bit. It's like, I know he has feelings for me and obviously he likes me or else he wouldn't come all the way from Long Island to Brooklyn to see me. And obviously, he's physically and sexually attracted to me but I want to and need to know where we stand. I mean, obviously I want to know if he's doing this with other women as well. I'm talking to other guys but only on the chance that this thing with him doesn't work out, but if he said he wanted to be exclusive, I'd stop talking to anyone else and I wouldn't think twice about it. But I'm afraid to ask where we stand because I don't want to turn him off and then possibly push him away b/c I want a committment and maybe he doesn't want one. Or it could be that he already thinks that we have something and just doesn't feel the need to tell me. I don't know...is it too soon to question him on "us" because I don't want to lose him. I know this may sound crazy, but I could see myself falling in love with him and being with him for the rest of my life...now I wouldn't exactly tell him that (lol) and I've only known him for two months so it may be a little too soon to say that, but that's just how I feel. And if I should ask, what do I say? How can I say it without puuting him in an awkward position and possibly ruin what we have right now? I need help! Sorry so long but thanks for any advice :)

Pianoguy thinks you are "falling into the trap" a lot of women fall into. YOU date a guy for 2 months and expect the future chapters in your life to be planned out!
Unfortunately...things don't work that way!
If the man makes you happy...and you make him happy...what's wrong with getting to know each other a little longer? If you NEED to evaluate where your relationship is going...do this after 6 months or so. It takes a smart woman to understand that MANY MEN don't have the desire (or guts) to get engaged, married, or even become exclusive! But as we start to relax and realize that without you in our life---OUR LIFE ISN'T COMPLETE---usually triggers a desire (on our part) to make a commitment.
Don't compare the time you spent with your last guy with this one. If you choose to have sex together (or abstain)...fine! But if you're going to spend your life wondering if your b/f is 'doing somebody else' and you're just "one of harem"----STOP SEEING THE MAN!
There are many others who will offer you "exclusivity"...if this is TRULY what you want!
Pianoguy
Sheri