please please help me please answer this
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please please help me please answer this
| Thu, 04-22-2004 - 3:36pm |
i met this guy and he liked me but he didn't think that i liked him. then he started to see one of my freinds and they started dating and then like a month later he found out that i did like him so we started to see each other behinde her back and we've been doing it for three years now! But i just want to know who he really loves and who he doesnt so i can move on if he doesn't really love me he told me he did but he did her to.And he takes her out to dinner and stuff like that. And he doesnt's with me but it might be because im under age and she's not. But then he gives me more sex then her. and he say's im way way better than her and he compares me with her all the time and im alway's the better one. i just want to know who he is using Me or her? cause i wouldn't think a guy could love two girls at once.And know my freinds moving with him. But he asked me if i could thou but no way i could. So she went with him but he still comes and see's me. And he said that he would rather have me with him then her anyday. please someone answer my quistion? Who doese he really love Me or Her?

I wanted to respond becuase I almost got into a similar situation and decided to back out. I *really* liked this guy, I mean *REALLY*. I had it so bad for him. Then, one day, I said, "Hey, what do you think about dating exclusively?" and he then explains that he has a "friend" in Boston whom he visits and has sex with... and there's no indication that he's going to give that up, nor did I ask him to. I thought, "Huh. I guess you think I like you so much that I'll tolerate anything?"
The fact is, I didn't want to compete with her or anyone. I didn't want to be compared to someone else or wonder if he's thinking about her and not me. I just didn't want it to be an issue-- period. The reason why is not just for my own dignity but also because- if I put up with that, why would he ever change? At first, I did have this vision of him giving her up to be with me; that he would 'come to his senses' and choose me. But then I said, "You know, if he can't see that I'm a special, one-of-a-kind person and he feels like he needs more than what I can offer, I better not waste my time!"
So, it sounds like your situation is one where the guy involved is getting everything he wants but you're left wondering and hoping that things will change. But why would they change? He has no motivation to be monogamous with you because you tolerate the dual relationship and you have put up with it today and all the days before... so why would he change anything tomorrow?
It was really a difficult decision but I had to just accept that this guy, whom I thought I really liked and respected, could not give me what I wanted. I told him I would not see him anymore, that it wouldn't work out. I didn't try to talk him out of seeing his screwbuddy in Boston-- because that alone indicates that this man is not high-quality or respectful of women in general. For me, it meant that he could not give me his full attention, his full respect, his full love (if he even knows what that is). I said to myself, "I'd rather feel sad that we can't be together than take his leftovers- I'm worth more than that." and so are you. You don't have to accept leftovers becuase there are good men who will be honest and true to you, who will be faithful and reliable, who won't put you through some rollercoaster or play games. Don't tolerate the scraps- you need a full buffet to live on and leftovers just aren't very filling.
I hope this helps and take care of yourself.
Michelle
(4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
(5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
(6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
(7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
(8) Love never fails.
If you can find someone who can treat you like this, and you can reciprocate, THAT'S the one for you.
Edited 4/22/2004 8:32 pm ET ET by tjhlcs29
He's playing you both. Of course he's going to tell you that he compares her to you and that you're better than she is. He's only telling you that to keep you around. If he really felt that way about her, he would be seeing only you. Actions speack so much louder than words. His actions don't spell out love and devotion by any means. His actions say disrespect and emotional immaturity. Why on earth would someone keep two women around? Not for love. But a.) because he CAN and b.) for sex. There is nothing good about this guy. You need to dump him like the bad habit that he's been for 3 years.
The burning question that jumps out from your post is not who he really loves, butWHY ARE YOU WITH SOMEONE WHO TREATS YOU THIS WAY (even if you love him). It truly concerns me that you are willing to put up with a man who gives you nothing but sex (which is no accomplishment since I have a feeling he's been giving that to more than just the two of you) and half-assed insincere promises that only add up to pain for you. If he hasn't picked one of you in 3 years, what makes you think he's going to now? And what makes you think it will be you? You can't trust this guy. PLEASE SEEK COUNSELING. There is something seriously wrong and this "relationship" is a big fat red flag for some other issues you are having with yourself. Any self-respecting woman would not carry on like that for three years. And with someone who's dating a FRIEND of yours!
You need to get yourself together and take a long, hard look at your priorities. No matter how you slice it, this guy should be nowhere near above your well-being and happiness and the health of your friendships. I cannot stress enough how important counseling is for you. Please get yourself the help you need and end this relationship before it completely destroys you. This situation will only get worse the longer it goes on.
Good luck,
Ivy
georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com