Please read..Got into Trouble, need help
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| Tue, 10-03-2006 - 8:45am |
Hey everyone,
I thought maybe you ladies could offer a little advice and help for my situation. Here it is. I'm going to cut it VERY short. Basically, I do not drink often (because I know that once I start drinking it's very hard for me to stop, so I usually just like to avoid it altogether). Anyway, when I do drink and get drunk, I tend to do some irresponsible things. Well, this weekend I went out with a couple of friends of mine and we somehow got separated in the club. There was a lot of people and the 3 of us were all intoxicated the last time I saw them. I had met this guy. We started dancing together and ended up staying together in the club the rest of the night. My one friend came over to me and told me she had to leave. I remember saying "ok" to her. I couldn't find my other friend after that, so me and the guy just kept dancing. I was extremely drunk by then. Next thing I know we're outside in my car having unprotected sex. I'm so sorry everyone, I'm tearing up as I type this. I know you're probably all saying "what a stupid ass she is". I'm not blaming the alcohol here, but I will say if I had been sober I would never have allowed this to happen. The worst part is I remember him saying over and over "let's go get some condoms, I don’t wanna get you pregnant" and I was the one who pushed it and we ended up "taking the risk". This happened on Friday and I felt so ashamed of myself and my actions that I didn’t even get out of bed all weekend after that. Plus now I'm scared out of my mind what if this guy has HIV or some other horrible STD?? What have I done?? How could I have been so stupid? Putting my health in jeopardy like that? So for now all I can do is wait. Wait atleast 3 months and go get a round of testing for everything, but what do I do in the meantime?? What do I do to make this long wait not so painful?? I just want to know if I'm ok. I've already made the decision that I am going to stop drinking completely. Anyway, the story gets worse…
I'm home last night and my phone rings. It was the guy. He starts telling me what an awesome time he had, how good we "meshed", etc, and basically would I like to hang out again. Then we started talking about all the stuff we remembered that was said. I said "I remember asking you if you have a girlfriend" he said "do you remember what I said?" and I said "you told me no" he was quiet. I said "you don’t, right?" he said "would you be mad if I told you I did?" I said "do you?" he said it again… "would you be mad if I told you I did?" I said "answer the question" and he said the part that I keep hearing over and over again, even today. "yes, I do"… I was absolutely STUNNED. It would've been better had he just left it as was, me thinking he didn’t, taking it as a one night stand, and just not calling again. But no, here he tried to call me back and see if I wanted to "hang out just for fun" again… Man, if I didn’t mention the gf thing, I don’t think he would've either. So he goes "no, I really do like you and I'd like to be friends atleast" I was so disgusted and upset, I started crying on the phone. He goes "listen, I'm gonna call you in a few days to make sure you're ok" and I said "no, don’t ever call me again, just leave me alone" and I hung up on him and just pretty much cried the rest of the night for feeling so used. I should've known something was up when he wouldn't give me his phone #. I even said to him "so that's why you wouldn't give me your #" and he admitted to that...How could I let this happen to myself?? Please don’t come down too hard on me for this ladies, because don’t think for one second that I don’t know how stupid what I've done is. I hurt not only my physical self, but also my mental self here and I know that. I just wanted to see if anyone has anything to offer here because I could really use some help right about now..
Thanks
~J

Like we are all saints here?
I don't think so. You made a mistake and it is over. You have defined the problem, you don't make the best decisions when drunk. You have defined the solution, quit drinking. Hopefully you won't be pregnant or have any STDs, you won't know until you have the necessary tests so there isn't much to do until then.
This particular man is a huge schmuck and you told him not to call anymore, so that problem has gone away. I don't think there is much more you can do other than not worry so much about what happened and stay clear of the alcohol. This is more of a live and learn situation than anything else.
Almost everyone has done things they later realize weren't the smartest things to do.
Oh, if I could tell you the things I've done, with and without alcohol in my fun, but sometimes totally stupid life, we'd be laughing. But that's it. I can laugh at those things now because they were learning incidents for me, and I never repeated them. You are going to be fine. I get this feeling you are learning from this ;-) It doesn't feel good, but these things will pass and you'll be stronger for it. The guy is a total dweeb.
There are some STD tests that a doctor can do now. I'd make an appointment to get those started, and just explain you had a stupid moment with a guy you were once interested in. The doc doesn't need to know anything else. You will be fine, so don't fret. But make sure to get tested for HPV (human papiloma virus). I had an ex who cheated on me years ago, and me, a doctor, didn't even think of getting HPV testing done. I just spaced, made sure I had the big scary ones done (HIV, herpes, GC/NG), but not HPV. I later started to develop the early stages of cervical cancer due to the infection. Uh duh, how stupid could I get?
If you have HPV, don't fret over that either. Your doctor can remove the infected cells from the cervix in a painless, simple procedure, and then you just need to get regular Pap smears for the rest of your life. If you do that, you'll be just fine.
Take heart, do what Countrygirl says, go get your nails done and relax. Something tells me you won't do something dumb like this again!! Repeat after me, I am learning, I am learning!!
Chick
Honey, don't be so hard on yourself. Yes, you made a mistake, a stupid mistake and you now you have to face the consequences. You need to get tested asap. The man was looking to get laid and he saw you, drunk, available and pretty, with no senses whatsoever so he took the opportunity. The man is a pig and a cheater. Drinking like you did is never a good thing, you loss your senses and any type of good judgment. You pushed for the condoms, but were not in shape to stop the act and go get them. The man took advantage of your situation, a situation you put yourself in.
The only thing you can do now is wait for your results and never, ever do this again. If your religious pray. If not then ask for a positive aoutcome. Learn from this painful experience. If you get drunk easily then have 1 or 2 driks and stop. Having your drunken GF around doesn't help you at all. One time could be a death sentence.
Hi everyone,
First, I just wanted to thank you all for being so understanding and for all your good advice… I have learned a lot (the hard way) from this bad experience, and even though its only 5 days later, I feel a little better. I don’t feel as low and horrible as I did when I first got that phone call from this loser telling me he had a gf. I went to the dr already and got cultures for “everything else”. I have an appointment at the dr for 3 months from now to get re-tested. For all that plus HIV. I’m not worried about pregnancy because I’ve been on the pill for many years now. I also got a box of condoms and will be keeping one with me just in case from now on. As for the drinking… I’ve decided just not to do it for now in that kind of setting. I mean, if I’m at home celebrating with some friends, or something like that, then maybe one or two, but that’s about it. Other than that, no more drinking for me. I don’t want to. Well, I guess all I can do other than that at this point is wait. My dr put me on doxycycline “just in case” for now in case I did catch some sort of bacterial infection from this guy. Now I just have to wait the three months for my first test, then another three for my second and hopefully everything will be ok. Please say a prayer for me everyone. Trust me, I have learned my lesson from this and it wont be happening again. Thanks again for all your help everyone.
~J