Pls help! Should I end it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2006
Pls help! Should I end it?
6
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 6:26pm
Hi,
I just happen to find out my boyfriend (dated for over 1 year) has done something that I told him I do not like and would not except him doing it again. He promised me that he would not do it again but he's done it again.
He has a friend who supplies him with porns av and I did once tell him that he could choose to reject if someone asked him if he wanted them. He accepted it again this time.
I am upset that he accepted the av. But I am more upset that he has failed his committment. I feel that he is not respecting me. He told his friend not to give the av to him in front of me. He's doing this behind my back.
From the first day we met, I made it clear that honesty and respect are very important to me. Fail any of them it will hurt me very badly.
I got hurt once and I gave him a second chance. This time it hurts me again and it is really hurting me. I am thinking if I should end our relationship because I have problems trusting him. Right now I don't know if I can share this with any of my friends. Can someone please please help me and give me some advice? I do appreciate it SO SO SO much. Thank you Thank you.


Edited 12/20/2006 7:09 pm ET by surfingmabe
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 6:04am
If porn is a problem for you then it is time to move on. Many men who enjoy porn do it secretly and they don't stop just because their loved ones don't like it. They just hide it better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 12:12pm

surfingmabe...

Pianoguy suggests that you make the break with your b/f...NOW!

Simply because.....no matter how many promises your b/f may make when it comes to 'steering clear of pornography'---you probably WON'T BELIEVE ANY OF THEM!

You don't owe your friends (or anybody) an explanation about your reasons for the split. ! But once you make the decision...STAND BY IT!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 3:33pm

Well, to me it seems incredibly simple, because you've already told him you wouldn't accept it if he did it again.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 5:01pm
i agree, personally i dont find porn offensive. but a man or woman for that matter wont stop viewing porn. maybe they could view it together so he doesnt have to hide it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 10:02pm

Hey there...I completely understand your predicament...It is the principle of the matter..You told him how much it bothers you and he is disrespecting that. I would confront him on the issue and point blank ask him why he is till doing it if he knows how much it bothers you.

Secondly, I would confront him about the lying. It is very difficult to be in a relationship if you are going to constantly doubt him from now on. I would discuss both of these issues and let him know that if he ever lies again..there will not be a discussion and your relationship will be over.

However, there is also a chance he is not a liar, but just does not agree with the fact that he should not view the porn and he is just afraid to let you know this so he pretended to agree. You always have to weight the options in a relationship and compromise...Soooo many guys view porn, even in loving marriages...Don't ask me why..it bothers me as well...but is it a realtionship breaker? Only you can decide..in my opinion, if it does not affect any aspect of your love life..it is not that big of a deal. On the otherhand, if it is something that will continue to bother you and he does not want to give it up...Then that also tells me you are not as important to him as you should be and you need to go and find someone who you know would not view the porn....I hope this helps...I am going through a relationship struggle of my own...so if you see my posting let me know what you think...and best of luck to you..the bottom line...you need to do waht will make you happy in the long run!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 10:31am
I agree that it's not so much that he accepted the porn avs (lots of guys like this and it is not about "cheating" for them) but that he made you a promise (perhaps he shouldn't have made it) and did it behind your back. Trust is a hugely important issue - do you think it might be helpful if the two of you went to a therapy session together
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