Porn: How much is too much?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2003
Porn: How much is too much?
6
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 12:31pm
I realize that pornography is a million dollar industry which ultimately means that a lot of men and women view porn. Like many people, my boyfriend has a stash of porn magazines and VHS/DVDs. My question is, how much it too much? He has about 20 VHS/DVDs in all, and buys about 2 different porn publications each month. In addition, he occasionally rents porn flicks off of the Playboy Channel.

I would be less concerned if his porn collection wasn't so extensive. In addition, most of his pornography is lesbian-related or "young college girls" (over 18 years of age).

A guy friend of mine said that he only has a few porn magazines that he looks at repeatedly to fulfill his desire. Is my guy obsessed with porn? Should I be concerned?

We are involved in a very meaningful and healthy relationship. We are headed towards marriage and I simply want to make sure that his fantasy with porn is healthy.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 1:54pm
Well if it is not causing the two of you troubles than i would say it is fine, by that i mean he isn't letting porn take over, as long as your sex life isn't hurting. It certainly sounds like he has quite the collection. If your relationship is as healthy as you say than talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel. Ask him to cut back a little bit. Maybe the two of you can watch porn together. Or work out something.

I wish you good luck

Carrie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 5:07pm
>>A guy friend of mine said that he only has

>>a few porn magazines that he looks at

>>repeatedly to fulfill his desire. Is my guy

>>obsessed with porn? Should I be concerned?

If your guy friend said that he only has sex in the missionary position in the bedroom, and your BF wanted it in other rooms or different positions, would you be concerned?

I don't think you should - it's about craving VARIETY more than anything.

Some people crave it more than others. Some people can eat at the same fast food restaurant every day, and have the same meal. Others can't.

If you feel you're in a healthy relationship and the porn isn't interfering with your sex life, you don't need to be concerned about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 8:11am
If the two of you start talking marriage and children one day, be sure this issue is completely resolved. He has to understand that this garbage can't be in the house with children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 10:42am
The question here is not whether your bf's actions are "normal," but whether they are normal for you two. Have you discussed your feelings with him about this? If he doesn't think you mind, then he has no incentive to stop. On the other hand, if he knows it bothers you and continues to do it, then you might have bigger issues at hand. Your feelings should be priority.

The other thing to look at is whether is enhances or interferes with your sex life. I had an ex-bf who would masterbate every single day (at least once, sometimes more). Now, when I wasn't around, this didn't really bother me. HOWEVER, when I would come over and be in the mood, he would sometimes be too busy or too recently "spent" to perform with me. As soon as his personal decision began to affect our sexual life, it was time for a major discussion. You need to weigh your situation with what you want/need. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 11:16am
If the porn is not coming in between your relationship, then maybe its OK. Perhaps he is looking into variety in your relationship by "watching" up on it. I know you must feel like - ugg.. more porn again. Have you ever really asked him what his fascination with it is?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:24pm
Thank you all for your views on this situation I'm dealing with.

To answer your questions, no, my boyfriend and I have not yet had a discussion about the pornography. I stumbled across it by accident. I've been trying to think about how to bring the topic up in a non-threatening way. I'm positive that he will be quite embarrassed, so I'm putting a lot of thought into it all.

We do have a pretty active sex life. Of course there are times when I'm in the mood and he is too tired, but I know that happens in many relationships. Overall, he makes me feel desirable and we connect sexually.

We are involved in a very serious relationship headed towards marriage. I'm expecting a marriage proposal within the next few months. I realize that he and I must talk about the matter soon!