Power in a relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2006
Power in a relationship?
6
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 7:52pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Wed, 10-10-2007 - 8:29pm
In relationships I've had in the past that didn't work out (-all of them, I'm single) the person who cared less or who was busier with a more active social life has more power. That changed from time to time, and there were shifts.
I don't really understand the need for power in a relationship. I want to find someone who cares for me as much as I care for him where we are a team in that love. Does that sound cheesy? I think that unsuccessful relationships are those that concern themselves with 'power'.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 8:21am
I think that "having power" in a relationship is like thinking in "having the upper hand". Why is that one needs power to be in a relationship? The relationship is all about give and take and compromise, not power.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 10:03am

~~I think that unsuccessful relationships are those that concern themselves with 'power'.~~

Ditto to your post lightandbright and to the statement above. *Power* is useless in an adult loving relationship.

LG
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 10:05am

There are different ways to view power.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 2:38pm

I do think the one who cares less and has a more active social life outside the relationship definitely is in a better position to say whether the relationship will go forward or end.


Once a couple is married, however, I think that changes. If one member of the couple loses their financial equality, or never had it to begin with, power shifts to the breadwinner. Historically, women have stayed in terrible relationships because they were unable to provide for themselves and their children, so they tolerated absolute hell. They were unable to affect any change or demand any level of respect for themselves. I'm not suggesting that all SAHMs are powerless, but I do think the golden rule applies in most situations: He who has the gold makes the rules.


If both people come into the relationship as whole people with healthy self esteem and are reasonably successful socially and professionally, it is

Cat 

Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 10-11-2007 - 4:06pm

As far as stay at home moms go...I dont have any personal experience with that type of life, but I'm sure that they take a lot of crap from their husbands...even today.


The person who "cares less" would probably end the relationship sooner or later because he or she cares less.