Pre-date question

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Pre-date question
7
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 9:45pm
Hi,

It's me again. Same old Stuff.

Since the last time I wrote, I have not seen hide nor hair of Mr. Wonderful. Or at least

I have seen his hide as he heads towards the door. He barely looks at me or acknowledges me anymore. I guess he wasn't trying to be a friend after all. I makes me sad to know that when I didn't play his way he chose to dissapear into the ARTIC ZONE for good. Talk about the cold shoulder. Though it still hurts. It doesn't hurt as much as time goes on.



I suppose I thought he was a totally different person than he turned out to be. How wrong I was. His attitude makes me so very glad that I didn't give in to what(I thought) was going on between us.

Does being seperated (not divorced)make it ok to go out for coffee if someone asks me to?

I know that is a dumb question. But If this person is smart,very nice,is a gentelman,and is interested in me. Is that cheating if i say yes.(this is a different person than the affore mentioned person)

I want to get to know other people, but I am not comfortable enough to start sleeping with other men. Will they accept that if those are my rules?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 11:51am
hi lioness being seperated is as good as divorced. in your paperwork you will see it. maybe you still love him in your heart and are not willing to let go of him just yet.

as for sleeping with someone that is all up to you. getting to know someone before you jump into bed with him is a show of good values. i try to find women to date and thats hard for me as i am shy or just nervous to meet them. but i do not try to get them to bed. making love with someone new is a very emotional time. i feel it brings a new dimenion to a relationship and i want to really know this person before hand. i plan on living for a long time and i am in no rush to have a woman feel she may have to sleep with me to be a companion.

i hope that sounded correct.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 5:30pm
I agree that you are as good as divorced, as long as you have no feelings about returning to your spouse. Sometimes separation is requested only for a perspective. But coffee is harmless, in most cases. And if you say that you're not eager to rush into anything with anyone yet, the man should take it well if he is the gentleman you say he is. I just got out of a 7yr relationship and though I do want to have sex with someone soon, I know emotionally I'm just not ready for it, just terribly HORNY!!!! So everything is baby steps, starting to feel comfortable enough with anyone to even allow a kiss on lips is very hard right now. I am still so attached to my love for my ex that physical contact with anyone just brings him to mind and I can't focus on what's in front of me. So just TAKE YOUR TIME. You'll know inside when you're ready. Good luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 6:22pm
just how separated are you? There is separated with one foot still in the door and then there's separated forever, the divorce is dragging out. To some people separated is more married than divorced. Men who have been hurt before (rebound) will stay away from you because they don't see you as relationship ready...the other guys who want to wine and dine you, but not have a relationship will line up. If you are not yet ready to be 'entertained', they're not going to be interested for long because they don't want a relationship, you see.

Be upfront about where you are and what you are seeking...stick to activity partners and making friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 11:32am
I do feel like I'm taking baby steps toward something new. I don't know if being seperated is the same a being divorced. There is the matter of that big piece of paper.

I am so ready to start my life again. The thought of going back and letting my (ex)husband back into my life turns me cold. Unlike before,when I left, I don't feel as if I've done the wrong thing. He has never been right. He has never treated me as if he loved me. He always showed me that everything and everyone else was more important than me. I realized that he can never give me what I need or treat me the way I deserve, because he doesn't know how and he can't. I am SO VERY HAPPY to be out, even I can't believe how good it feels. But trying something new is a scary though, no matter how bad I want to. If that man can accept the fact that I may have to take it slow, then I will be able to move ahead with whatever we decide to do. I have no intention of letting my (ex)husband be the last man I sleep with. I need love and sex just like the next person. I'm just not trying to move too fast before Im comfortable. Do men see seperated and divorced as being the same thing? There is nothing of my (ex)husband in my home. Not even a toothbrush or bath towel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 11:39am
I am very seperated. I want the ones that will dine me(not necessarily wine). I am not read for a relationship. Trust is a Huge issue right now. I am not trying to set myself up to be used or the become someone's toy. I say "LINE THEM UP!"
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 11:46am
I think you need to end one thing before getting into another... Until you're divorced, you are not a single woman... What's stopping the divorce?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 8:25pm
Money! I am JUST making it. I get no financial support from my husband AT ALL. Single parent with one in college, another in junior high. Bills my husband ran up and has no intention of re-paying. I am left to foot the bills. Almost $8,000 in debt. Does that answer your question? Am I suppose to put my life on hold and not move foward because of that!!! My husband couldn't hold a job for more than two years at a time over the span of 20years. I was raising three children and he was number 3 with a cocain and alcohol addiction. Filing for a divorce is not free. Nobody is going to just give me $300+court cost. I know people who have never gotten divorced, but have been seperated longer than I've been married. Although I plan on that NOT being the case with me.