pre-nups

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
pre-nups
11
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 8:54am
If your BF told you that he would not get married (to any woman) unless the woman signed a pre-nupital agreement, what would your reaction be?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: krn2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 9:08am
I'd be in the same boat with your BF, actually. I wouldn't want someone taking my things if we had to split up someday. I look at this way, if I just lost my spouse to divorce, I want to at least keep what's mine. And I would want to give my husband the same protection.

Granted, I think I will be in the minority on this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: krn2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 9:17am
It would depend on why and what the terms of the prenup would be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
In reply to: krn2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 10:20am
I am not a big fan of pre-nups. I am of the school of thought that a pre-nup is planning for what happens if the relationship fails and sort of puts you in that mindset. Planning for the worst. Which is fine for some things, but just not how I'd like to approach marriage.

That said, the one situation I can think of where a pre-nup does make sense is if one or both of you have children or an elderly or sickly relative who is dependent on you. I think it is fair to want to make provisions for one's children/dependents in that situation.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: krn2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 11:29am
I'd say great, because I wouldn't get married to any man without a pre-nup. We would both be on the same page. His lawyer could call my lawyer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: krn2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 11:57am
I would sign it, no problem. I am not marrying him for his material things or his money, let him keep it. No big deal for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: krn2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 12:09pm
I would discuss it logically and rationally and if we were to get married, I would have my own lawyer look it over. The reason being is that if I'm financially stable/well off with my own property and assets when I get married, I would request a prenup as well. I don't view prenups as being a precursor for divorce or to be controlling. I view them as protecting what is yours when you get married so that if something were to happen, I could leave the marriage with the money, property, and assets that I came in with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: krn2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 4:34pm
It would depend on the circumstances and the terms of the pre-nup, but I think I would be ok with it. I wouldn't be marrying anyone for material gain or wealth in the first place, so I wouldn't be worrying about what I wouldn't get due to a pre-nup. That wouldn't bother me.

And on the reverse side, if *I* were so well off that I needed to be worried about potentially losing a substantial part of it, I suppose I would want to cover my bases with a pre-nup. Because no matter how much you love one another or plan to remain together, there are no guarantees. Things change in life and you have no control over the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: krn2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 4:51pm
First of all I would understand that there is a reason for his saying that. Secondly I would understand that whatever he has prior to the marriage is his (likewise, whatever you have is yours) but - and this is a BIG but - the laws are different in different states. some are community property states which state that upon divorce each spouse is entitled to 50% of the community property. this does NOT hold true in all states though.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: krn2004
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 12:30am
my DH & i are AGAINST prenups for us. against the whole idea that our property is separate.

that combining of our initial property into a fully 100% SHARED life is what allows us to make choices that are best for the marriage & not to have to think about self-preservation now that we're united in marriage.

we're thrilled that we don't have a marriage where anything is kept in single mode. Because we're not single & that's how we choose to live- like we're not single. not in any way at all.

also, it's not necessarily as simple as 'what you came in with.'

your life situation changes over time- & especially on the basis of your marriage- if you have a caring, sharing marriage.

my DH is my life partner. That's a covenant we made & we're committed to keeping.

we INTENTIONALLY structured our marriage so that what we came in with is owned jointly.

just because we choose a fully united marriage.

i respect other people's choices - but it was definitely not for us.

 Katrina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: krn2004
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 9:18am
I have to agree with ginger on this one, I think prenups are setting you up for failure and also as terry said, not all states are the same when it comes to dividing up assets in a divorce. So if my boyfriend said this to me, I would probably figure the relationship isn't going to go anywhere because he would want a prenup and I wouldn't so I'd discuss our differences where it pertains to it, and if we couldn't agree, then I would probably break it off, I guess it would be better to know early on about this then after investing a few years, only to know you disagree about prenups.


Edited 2/1/2004 9:27:37 AM ET by lovin_hockey17

Pages