Pursue, be patient, move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Pursue, be patient, move on?
44
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 1:34am
Ok. So here's the short version. Met a guy online. We talked on the phone for about a week, several hours each night. seemed to get along famously. decided to go on a date. went on our date - it was wonderful. When I said goodbye, he told me he had an excellent time, and I said i did too. he gave me a kiss on the cheek. Told me to call to make sure I got home safe. I did - told him I'd call him tomorrow once i got to my parents (for easter). He said he'd like that very much. And I didn't really hear from him on my day of travel. Got two text messages that were very short. He called me (the following day) and left a message on my voice mail this morning saying that he had heard from a girl he had gone out with on a first date several weeks ago, went out with her and has decided to see where it goes. What I really want to do is email him and say hey I had a great time blah blah blah, I did send him a text saying "best of luck, take care". I have not had such a wonderful date in ages. And hell I was under the impression he had a good time too, and was interested. So would there be any point in me emailing him? I have conflicting emotions on this. I kinda feel betrayed by his duplicity (granted he was honest about it on the message) and am hurt by feeling that he was window shopping and I clearly wasnt what he was interested in. On the other hand, i did meet him online and this is the wild wonderful world of ppl sometimes dating more than one person, and there's always the possibility that several dates down the road they won't work out. My situation is this, I don't date often, and I have never really felt so wonderful after a date. But when i was with him, it was all fluttery stomach, etc. So should I send a polite email saying I had a great time, just to let him know that I wouldn't mind seeing him again without blatantly saying it, or should i send him something more up front saying I was bummed. Or should I send him nothing. I am kind of an odd duck, so to speak, so finding someone who was more than ok with that was encouraging.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:28pm
Here's where the phrase, "different strokes for different folks" comes into play. C'est la vie!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:30pm
That would be a good thing ;-).
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:37pm
Well, I agree with you that it was only one date and one should not put too much emphasis on one date. Someone who actively dates is more experienced at being able to sit back and look at dating like that, you know, not getting hopes up and all.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:43pm

You've defined "actively dating" as people who use dates to get free dinners. So only people who are users are able to not get their hopes up after one date? I'm not an "active dater" by your definition yet somehow I'm able to do that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:45pm
I am soon tobe 45 and I have experienced the opposite. So I guess this is why I am befuddled as to why women put up with this treatment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 6:24pm
I see you are a teacher. I think I understand, you think and do to your own beat. Which is nice because you are your own person. I just don't like the phrase "odd duck" because it conveys some negativity and being different is negative, especially if you are "good weird". You definitely don't want to be "bad weird".
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 6:28pm
No, I just mentioned that I know some women who just date to have a night out. Active daters include those people, the ones who keep working the numbers game, and some one who is actively hunting for a spouse. It includes all those people, not just the moochers. I am not an active dater but I don't get hopes up after one meeting with a guy for a few hours. That is not realistic. But people who actively date and keep seeing new people are used to the revolving door, so to speak, so they may not get their hopes up as quickly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 9:53am
Based on your last response, I'm confused... if we are not committed/attached to someone, then aren't we all just daters whether it be aggressive or not?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 12:09pm

Kerry...

Pianoguy is convinced that "casual dating" is safer for those who fear commitment.

When you're a "free agent" and not committed to a particular individual...it's easier to discard that person...instead of experiencing an UGLY BREAKUP!

And it's a lot easier to "bow out of a relationship" via a snail or email...as opposed to a face-to-face confrontation.

I'm NOT endorsing this practice, but have found that most people don't have the guts to tell a former partner that he (or she) is no longer desirable.

Just my 2 cents...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 12:56pm
And what's your take on the original post? Just curious...