Question...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Question...
6
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 11:20pm
So let me ask you, Is this wrong? I left my husband 2 months ago and I find myself wanting a friend with bennys. Nothing emotional, no strings, no titles. Don't get me wrong, I don't need a bunch of them, just one. A part of me thinks that this is just a rebound thing I'm going through, but like I said, I'm not looking for a man. Just sex, taking all precautions, and certainly not (sex) right away. I'm not a slut or anything like that, I just have these urges. Anyway is this wrong? Rebound? Looking for any input. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thejaded_1
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 8:53am

thejaded_1...

Pianoguy thinks you need to ask yourself 2 questions:

1. Can I really stay 'detached' from anybody new? "SEX changes everything" (to use a quote from the movie: "Tootsie") and it's entirely possible you could start having feelings for somebody else?

2. Be careful in your choice when you get "your urges!" Sometimes...the most romantic man in the world can play a lot 'rougher' than you can imagine? It's also entirely possible that his feelings for you (beyond the bedroom) might accelerate? And that puts you in the position of either engaging in a serious relationship---or making a quick exit for the door!!!!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
In reply to: thejaded_1
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 11:07am
I understand what you are saying. I too was married and when I was married I wanted nobody but my husband. After years of being unhappy and after we separated I wanted someone, not just for sex, but for a multitude of reasons that I thought would make me feel better. All I can say is that if you really can separate your emotions and just have some good sex, then do it, I suggest not with someone who is really one of your friends though, maybe an acquantance. I am not in a relationship right now, and I must admit that I do have sex with a guy who I know, but don't consider him a close "friend". We get together every so often, no emotional ties, just nice F-ing, it's good to find something like that, just don't get emotional. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: thejaded_1
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 11:12am
No, there's nothing wrong with it as long as you are sure that is what you want and that you can keep your emotions and feelings out of it. We women have a tendency to get very attached when sex comes into the mix. If you want to have a no strings attached relationship, no big deal if you can handle it. It will definitely be a rebound thing and don't expect it to go anywhere. But if you're someone that gets attached to guys easily, don't do it. You'll probably wind up hurt and not knowing why.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
In reply to: thejaded_1
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 11:27am

There's nothing wrong with it. I've had 2 or 3 in my lifetime... as long as you are comfortable with that person and you discuss things like what do you do if you get pregnant? Also, make sure you use protection. Did you know that a man can have an STD for 10 years with no symptoms? STD's can be scary. But if you practice all the precautions, it can be fun if emotions are kept out of it. If you're not sure about it, there's always toys you can try. That was my next step if I didn't find a relationship, but I surprisingly did after 7 years of none after my divorce. Good luck.

Jag

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
In reply to: thejaded_1
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 12:49am
Thanks for your input, everyone. I used to have a relationship like this in high school. At first, I thought I wanted that particular person back (he's married now). Then I realized I just wanted that kind of friendship again. I can handle the no strings attached deal, I don't want the drama. Thanks!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: thejaded_1
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 3:15pm
It's normal to have those urges, just be careful - use protection!
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