Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Question
5
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 1:49pm

Hello
I'm not sure if this is the right board but I'm going to start here.

I'm single in the sense that I'm not married but I do have a serious b/f of 5 years. He is in the process of buying me a ring because I told him I want a symbol of commitment. We have no plans to get married but are committed to each other and are looking for a house at the present time. We're calling the ring an Eternity Ring which symbolizes the commitment.

Has anyone else ever gotten a ring with no intent of getting married? Obviously it makes others ask questions and I'm being clear that we are not engaged. I just told two friends at work who are married and one never replied and the other just said "pretty". I get the impression they think my b/f has influenced me in some way to not want to get married which isn't the case. Should I be bummed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: d_h_a_r_m_a
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 6:47am

Hi d_h_a_r_m_a....

Pianoguy thinks that if each of you are comfortable with "just a mutual friendship"...GREAT! Problem is....usually one half of a couple wants MORE!

As far as accepting a ring, "friendship rings" in all shapes and sizes are offered all the time...to every age group. You could be a 3rd grader, in high school or college, perhaps a widow? And what the ring actually means can vary depending upon the person who gives it away.

What you might want to ask yourself is:

"IS A RING ENOUGH FOR ME?" And after you arrive at a 'yes or no' answer...CAN YOU HONESTLY EXPECT NOTHING MORE OUT OF THE FRIENDSHIP/RELATIONSHIP YOU'RE IN???

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: d_h_a_r_m_a
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 8:44am

What others think really isn't important in the grand scheme of things.

Just a thought, can either one of you handle those mortgage payments on your own?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
In reply to: d_h_a_r_m_a
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 9:09am

Thanks for your input! It just bums me out that when they got engaged I was happy for them, ooo'd and aahh'd over their rings and I got nothing because it's 'not official'. The one girl finally responded today and all she had to ask was "where are you getting it from".

I felt like we were taking a step in our relationship and I expected people to be happy for me. I guess unless you come out with news that you're getting married it's too much to expect. I'm totally unconventionally and the ring I picked reflects that. I've just always felt so much pressure to live up to other's expectations that I take it personally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: d_h_a_r_m_a
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 9:21am

The problem here is that we have cultural system of when and how to feel joyous for other people. An engagement ring will render an oh and ah. A marriage will render gifts and showers.

There is no standard acceptable reaction for a "commitment ring". You are taking a different path so people don't know how to react.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
In reply to: d_h_a_r_m_a
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 9:42am
That makes sense. Thanks!