Question About "The Hunt"
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Question About "The Hunt"
| Sat, 08-27-2005 - 1:37am |
I hear people write about how men need to "hunt", work for the woman, however one wants to word it. I agree that a man wants to know that not just every man can have his woman. However, I can't help wondering if it's not mainly a question about maturity. I wonder if a man who loves to chase ever stops wanting to chase. Conversely, I wonder if the man who's out-grown the need to chase really needs all the drama. Is it really a male thing, or is it something instilled by society? Boys are conditioned from an early age to hoot and holler over the "hot chick", even before they have any real interest of their own. Some "boys" never out-grow this. Some never seem to take it up. I just can't help wondering if it's what we women do in terms of being "available" that's so important as it is what the man's values are. My observations have been that at some point the "chase" ends to all intents and purposes in every relationship. Of course, there's always going to be more a person can learn about the other, new ventures, etc. However, some people don't ever seem to think they've had enough. They may be in a "committed" relationship but still have a constantly wandering eye, etc. I don't think any woman can change that, no matter how she plays her cards, so to speak. Any thoughts?

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I agree that the chase has to stop at some point. I can see how the chase is important to help me gauge a man's interest in me. By letting him call, letting him make the "moves" and all that, I feel reassured in his attraction for me. But then there's a point where it has to move into another level of relating and I've been in many situations where it doesn't.
I think you have a point here, maybe some men are addicted to "the chase". Is there a book out there about this? Perhaps it's a way of avoiding what comes after the chase, which is the relationship. If you're always chasing you don't have to move on to the next level, to commit. And if a woman ends the chase by giving herself to a man physically/emotionally, then maybe that gives some men the excuse they need to move on. i.e. she was too needy, moved too fast, etc. Not saying all men are like this but maybe some are...it's a win-win situation for those that are, though, ...and a toxic situation for a woman caught in the middle of it.
Leonalion, I don't know if there are any books out there on the subject, probably. I think there should be.
Chamey, guess my cynicism is showing. I believe there are good guys out there, and no, I haven't met many. I read about people on here feeling disappointed a lot and I think it's just that many of the people who let others down have skewed values. I hate to see people beating themselves up because the other has the problem. Women do the same things to men sometimes.
"Love" is regularly portrayed in the media as a feeling, instead of what I believe it is, a decision. From my observations, and from what I've read, feelings follow decisions. However, a lot of people seem to want to deny all accountability for their actions because their "feelings" changed. Often they leave their partners holding the bag, which just leaves one more potentially bitter person out there in the single dating world. Then there's all this baggage people are carrying around from one relationship to another, often accumulating more. Some people harden their hearts, preferring the "chase" to true intimacy. It just has a domino effect, more and more people get hurt. I think we'd all be better off to recognize the dynamic for what it is, some people's problem, unreliability, poor character, etc., instead of blaming ourselves for someone else's behavior. More importantly, it's important that we acknowledge that there are good people out there and start looking for THEM.
I think dating can be fun. However, I don't like to date just for fun. On the other hand, it shouldn't be too serious. I think of it as more of a low-key way to get to know someone else. It isn't fun anymore, however, when people get the hearts trampled on.
I see a lot of people posting on here and I think that a lot of people are hurting and being hurt by people who trifle with other's affections. I think we might be better off the cut to the chase, forgive the bad pun, and avoid those who love the chase. Just my thoughts.
I agree with you on two counts: if you're serious about having
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Stefania, I am really sorry to hear how disappointed you are in men at this time.
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