Question for everyone...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Question for everyone...
11
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 8:45pm

If you were dating someone and your SO decided that he or she wanted to date others or to take a break because they still need to sample others (just to be sure)....would you take them back once they got their fill? This is a relationship I'm talking about, not a fling or a bedbuddy (where coming and going are assumed) or anything casual.

Someone posed this question to me recently and I didn't know how to answer it because everyone's heart is different. For me, if a guy needed to go do that, I wouldn't make a fuss or stand in his way, but I wouldn't take him back. Reason being if he didn't dig me enough back then, he isn't going to dig me now and it would probably travel the same route again. A person like that should only have casual relationships as far as I am concerned, this way they can come and go as they please. For some people, an ex returning is like hitting the jackpot - not for me. But how can you tell someone that when they are suffering and miss the person? She would need to get suckerpunched again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2006
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 11:54am
I would not take him back. He knows me and didn't love me enough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 3:41pm

I really don't think it's a cut and dry issue. Whether or not I would consider taking ANY ex back would depend on the circumstances of the relationship and break or break up.

You don't take the trash out and then bring it back in the house unless you threw away a strand of pearls or something, you know? The same rule applies to exes, I think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 3:49pm
I 100% agree.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 4:49pm
I was with my ex bf for 10 months and then he went off with a 20 year old girl. He said it was just sex and then wanted to come back again. I was in love with him unfortunately and took him back and then ..(yeah, you knew this was coming) I rang him on his cellphone, she answered and asked who I was (this was after he swore to me he'd finished with her) ...he had obviously left the cell in her hands...and he came and picked it up and, attack being the best form of defence, started saying well who wanted an old bitch like me anyway when he could have a beautiful young girl?
So my answer is definitely NO and don't trust men:))
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 10:53am

Since I have actaully had this happen to me before, my answer would depend on how long the couple has been together. If they have been together less than a year (give or take) I would say, take a break and come back together at an agreed upon time to talk about things and go from there. If the relationship has been more than a year, I would say break up and move on. After a year, 2 people should be able to tell if they are comapatible enough to continue to be together. I would also never take more than one break. If you try it once and it doesn't work, then trying it again probably will not either, so cut your losses and move on.

YG

Avatar for k3of3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 3:20pm

I agree with you YG. Back in my early/mid twenties, I was dating a man who was 9 years my senior. After just shy of two years of dating, he gave me the "let's take and break for the summer" speech. I was young, naive and in the first long-term relationship of my life so I said "okay." He did his thing; I tried to stay busy. We got back together about three months later and dated another two years. I wanted the relationship to progress to the point of at least *talking* about marriage and instead, we broke up because he decided he "loved me, but wasn't in love" with me. Ouch. He got married to someone else 6 months later and they are still together today.

I think after 18 months+ if you and/or your partner don't know if he/she is "the one," then it's time to just cut your losses and move on. Now that I'm in my late thirties, I don't date anyone longer than a few months if I have any doubts whatsoever.

K3

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 4:09pm

I had almost the exact same experience. Dated a guy for a couple of years and he wanted a break, we got back together and dated three more years with talk of marriage and kids at times, but at other times just the mention of it would give the boy hives. 5 and half years in he wanted another break and I told him if we took a break it was for good and that is what we did. 6 months later he married his secretary.

Thank God I got out!

YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 7:12pm

I'm soon to be 44 - yikes! when did that sneak up on me....;)

My experiences as I have gotten older have been to listen to my instincts first and foremost - a man who wants to be with you WILL be. There is no back and forth. There is no question about his intentions - heck or YOUR own intentions for that matter. When something is working and right for both parties - nothing will impede its progression.

My feeling is if you are working overtime, all the time, in constant chaos or conflict or otherwise have to question 'why is/isn't he...fill in the blank' then something isn't working!!!!

The best advice I've ever heard was to stop doing what doesn't/isn't working - and if you don't know what it is taht you are 'doing' that isn't working - then sit still for a while =- stop doing what you've been doing.

you cannot force someone to want you, like you, love you. And even if they do - there is NO guarantee that they will always be in your life. THIS IS A FACT OF LIFE - DEAL WITH IT! Getting too attached is what causes pain - not the loving part - just the expectations of the other.

So - to sum it all up neatly - your future isn't tied to anyone that will walk away from you or from whom you will walk away from. HOlding onto the past keeps you from enjoying the future. If you broke up with someone or they broke up with you - let them go. the person they are today is not in synch with the person you are today. And if you are living in the NOW with hope for tomorrow - you really KNOW and accept that what is meant for you will not pass you by - EVER.

But what do I know?? ;)

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 2:57am

Wow, tough one for sure! I really think it depends on the individual and their comfort level. I would sort of be like, oh ok so now that you figured out I really *am* the most awesome person ever you want to come back to me? Yah right! Hahaha. Also, I think it depends on the age of the people involved. And even then, I wouldn't put it as "I want to experience more people" but just experience LIFE in general. I think *that's* totally more acceptable and I would take the person back then. Hope at least some of that makes sense to someone... LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 12:33pm
Well certainly don't wait around but if and when he comes back and seems to have truly soul searched and has valiid reasons for the "break" and valid empahtic belief that now he is truly ready to commit you could consider it, especially if he was open
,

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