Question Involving Splitting the Bill

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Question Involving Splitting the Bill
8
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:58am

Hi everyone,

I have a question for all of you involving splitting the bill. I just want to know if what I've been doing would be considered the right thing to do…

I met a guy online a while back and we've been seeing each other pretty much every weekend for the past 2 months or so. We talk a lot on the phone and via computer, etc etc. Everything is going well. The thing is he lives in Washington DC and I live in New York. He has his family that lives near me, and I still live at home unfortunately, so if we want any kind of "alone" time, we need to find a place to stay. What we've been doing is he's been visiting with his mother and sister and nieces for one night, and then we will usually get together on Saturday and visit for the day and stay at a hotel for the night. Now, he's been driving down pretty much every weekend to see me, taking over a 5 hour drive each way, gas, tolls, etc etc, plus he always pays when we do something or go to eat, whatever, so I thought since he's always traveling to me, why don’t we make it a little more equal?? I have been putting whatever I can toward the lodging bill when we visit together. I don’t know, I know the lady is supposed to let the man take care of it, but I just feel like this may be a different circumstance and that it might be nice to contribute a little here. Am I wrong for feeling this way??

Just wanted some thoughts on this.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 11:47am

yellowlablover1...

Two ideas from Pianoguy:

1. Why not "alternate the trips?" You should assume some of the driving...and where-ever the two of you end up...the person who ISN'T driving pays the majority of the lodging bill?

or

2. Meet each other at a half-way location...and split the food & lodging expenses down the middle!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 11:50am

Hello,

I understand what you're saying, but I didn’t put in my original post that (and I know this is a stupid fear) I live in NY (Long Island, NOT the city) and I am not the best driver in the world and I am VERY uncomfortable driving there myself or traveling alone on a plane, etc… I know that sounds very silly, but these are just my own little fears and when I discussed this with him he understood. I told him I would work on that and maybe one day fly down to see him (I'd sooner fly than drive alone), but we agreed for now he'd do the traveling, especially since he can also see his mother and other family members as well. This being said, that is why I felt it would be nice to offer to pay some of the hotel expenses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 11:51am

Hello,

I understand what you're saying, but I didn’t put in my original post that (and I know this is a stupid fear) I live in NY (Long Island, NOT the city) and I am not the best driver in the world and I am VERY uncomfortable driving there myself or traveling alone on a plane, etc… I know that sounds very silly, but these are just my own little fears and when I discussed this with him he understood. I told him I would work on that and maybe one day fly down to see him (I'd sooner fly than drive alone), but we agreed for now he'd do the traveling, especially since he can also see his mother and other family members as well. This being said, that is why I felt it would be nice to offer to pay some of the hotel expenses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 1:29pm
one word for you:
AMTRAK
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 8:45am
Even cheaper, CHINESE BUS
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 8:25pm

no you are not wrong for feeling like you have to help the guy out. But only do it sometimes, do not make it a habit. Let him be the man and pay for things. He is pursuing you and you have the goods that he wants, so make him pay of it.

hope this helps!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 2:50pm

Wow!

I can't believe this question as well as this last response happened in 2006! Please show me the rules where simply because of what hangs between your legs determines who pays!

In my dating past, usually the guy pays for the first date or 2 or 3 while its still very casual, but then as it turns into a relationship, things should be more even. How it is divided usually is more based for me on how much money each person makes more so than the sex of the people involved. I hate when women act like their company is so precious that a guy must pay her for her time! Are you not getting dinner or a movie too?! And if you don't enjoy yourself with him as much as he enjoys his time with you that you see it as only his benefit, then you should not be with him. You are a girlfriend, not a hired escort.

The other people on this thread seem to be forgetting the fact that it makes more sense for him to do the traveling not only because of your fears for driving that he does not have, as well as his ability to visit his family while there which you would not have in DC, and his having a place to stay there for 1 of the nights, meaning less overall costs, whoever incurs them. So the focus should be on splitting the costs, not how you can go there. So my suggestion is to pay what you feel is your fair share based on what you can contribute and any difference in income level. For example, if he is an established professional while you are stil a student, maybe just cover dinner while he's down. but if you earn more or at least the same, then perhaps alternate weekends who pays.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 2:03pm
Never mind the money, look at the effort this guy is making!!!! You are fine the way you are.