Question for the women...
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Question for the women...
| Mon, 04-19-2004 - 9:01pm |
This is a question for the women...Sorry, kinda long.
Have any of you started out as friends with a guy that you are currently with and witnessed/or knew about a "fling" or one night stand with the guy you're with and a girl that he did stuff with?? This is all before you and him were even dating, I may add. And, if so, do you ever feel insecure about it, or jealous?
I am currently in a relationship of 2 years with my guy, but back in the day (when we had only known eachother for a week) I had stopped over and witnessed him and this other girl that he had known before he met me starting to hook up, and later found out that they did have sex that night. If it helps at all, he and this girl were extremely intoxicated, and it probably would not have happened if they had not been drinking. For some reason, I can't seem to get past the picture of those two together. I know that she meant nothing to him--he had never tried to pursue her or anything. He had told me that during the time when he first met me that he thought "he could never get me". He had really liked me at the time, and pursued me a great deal until I finally gave in to have a relationship with him. (At the time, I thought I did not like him more than a friend, although I remember being jealous seeing him with that girl that night? Does that make sense?) He also told me that he had never before had a feeling like how he had gotten when he first met me. I know that he loves me very much and cares for me, but I still can't seem to get the picture of him and the other girl out of my head. We weren't even dating at the time, so why does this frustrate me? Plus, I had done stuff with a guy the week after he had with the girl, except I knew the girl that he had done stuff with--maybe that's why it bugs me? Anyone been in a similar situation??
Any comments or suggestions would be of great help.
Have any of you started out as friends with a guy that you are currently with and witnessed/or knew about a "fling" or one night stand with the guy you're with and a girl that he did stuff with?? This is all before you and him were even dating, I may add. And, if so, do you ever feel insecure about it, or jealous?
I am currently in a relationship of 2 years with my guy, but back in the day (when we had only known eachother for a week) I had stopped over and witnessed him and this other girl that he had known before he met me starting to hook up, and later found out that they did have sex that night. If it helps at all, he and this girl were extremely intoxicated, and it probably would not have happened if they had not been drinking. For some reason, I can't seem to get past the picture of those two together. I know that she meant nothing to him--he had never tried to pursue her or anything. He had told me that during the time when he first met me that he thought "he could never get me". He had really liked me at the time, and pursued me a great deal until I finally gave in to have a relationship with him. (At the time, I thought I did not like him more than a friend, although I remember being jealous seeing him with that girl that night? Does that make sense?) He also told me that he had never before had a feeling like how he had gotten when he first met me. I know that he loves me very much and cares for me, but I still can't seem to get the picture of him and the other girl out of my head. We weren't even dating at the time, so why does this frustrate me? Plus, I had done stuff with a guy the week after he had with the girl, except I knew the girl that he had done stuff with--maybe that's why it bugs me? Anyone been in a similar situation??
Any comments or suggestions would be of great help.
Thanks!

If you really can't get past it, then end the relationship and get into therapy to find out why you are making problems for yourself where there aren't any.
Coolas
I agree with the person who said that you should be more concerned if he's drinking and getting drunk to the point where he has sex with people that he otherwise wouldn't be involved with. If he does that, you better be careful with him yourself... get tested and always wear a condom.
As for the being drunk scenario, he does not drink much, if at all. This was only one occasion in which his judgement was not up to par due to drinking. He was in a serious relationship before me with another girl. So he has only had two partners before me, and yes, he has been tested. It doesn't have anything to do with his drinking that I'm worried about at all--I think it's just me.
You said that you had a fling as well...could the insecurity be how you feel about that? ie, you would be tempted with your fling or some such thing? Every jealous guy I've had to deal with, turned out to be an untrustworthy guy - which is why he had trust issues with me. Something to think about...b/c you not only have a double standard here but
You are in a committed relationship with this guy, right? Well, tell him how you feel. Tell him that it doesn't affect the relationship, but that the memories of what you saw bug you from time to time. If he cared about you at all, he would respect your feelings, and let you know that you are the only one for him now. I hope everything works out for you.