Quick Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Quick Question
8
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 5:09pm

hi guys. for those of you who have read my previous this is the same guy that i said i was casually dating. :)

how do u tell a guy that you want him to take more initative. like i dont mind planning most of the dates, but after we see each other i want him to ask me what im doing for the week/weekend, not me always ask him. i just ask him because im a bit more of the impatient types, so i know i need to work on that aspect. i will be seeing him monday and so during that visit we're supposed to come up with a day that we'll go on a date again. the time doesn't have to be set yet, but i think the day should be.he said he likes agressive women, but im assertive not aggresive. lol. im blunt and hes blunt so im going to say something i was just wondering what people thought. im just wondering if people think hes going to freak out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: nickia2006
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 5:46pm
The way you said it in your post sounds fine. I would get tired of always having to do the work and feel as though he really wasn't interested in me. "Hon, I really dig guys who take the initiative, it is a real turn on." If he doesn't respond to that or "I want you to take the initiative (more blunt)" then you may have landed a low pulse kind of guy and you may get tired of him sooner than you thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
In reply to: nickia2006
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 6:18pm
Thanks snafu2006! How are you? I think he wouldn't mind doing it all or sharing the responsbility if I tell him. But I feel that once I mention it and then he doesn't do it, I might need to do like my aquarius sign and let my river run somewhere else :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: nickia2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 7:55am

Yes, let him ask.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: nickia2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 12:03pm
Hey nickia, I'm hanging in there. I think it's great that you have confidence that he'll pick up the pace if you tell him what you want. If a woman expresses herself and the guy doesn't respond then there is trouble down the road. Most women just nag, especially when you are married because you don't want to get divorced so fast, but when a guy doesn't respond in some way then there is a bigger picture that is not being addressed somewhere - so nagging about the one issue never solves anything. Follow through is everything, I agree, and as an aries, I wouldn't settle for less. Aquarius is a very creative sign so I'm sure you will find just the right way to handle it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
In reply to: nickia2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 1:18pm
yea i think you're right. im just going to be blunt about it and hope for the best. ill plan this next date but after that its up to him. i think trying to see each other once a week isn't too heavy is it? leaves up both room to date other people. i guess im nervous because im not quite sure how he feels. my gut and logic tell me hes def interested but sometimes i feel like hes holding back or purposely not calling not because hes not interested but maybe like to control the relationship, pace it. make sure it doesnt go anywhere he doesnt want it to go at the time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: nickia2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 6:17pm

You can ask straight forward questions, too. You don't have to put all your cards out on the table first. The reason I am also suggesting that you ask him questions, in addition to stating your feelings is because you indictated in the above post that you really don't know how he feels and why he doesn't take more initiative. You may change some of your options or opinions once you find out how he really feels and views the situation,so you may not want to come out with both barrels blazing.

With a casual relationship, guys usually hang back and do let the woman do most of the traveling, planning, calling, etc. So his behavior may be indicative of the status of your relationship. You may have a different viewpoint as to what a casual relationship entails and what is expected of each other, like you have previously posted. You are probably right in noticing that he is holding back, because of the status of the relationship. Men who are in these types of relationships will purposely build space inbetween them and the woman to make sure no feelings escalate. Sometimes they don't call, or they do not want to see you or anything like that even up to a few months and then resume the calling because it will cycle back to sex again. If you want him to be more open and take more initiative, then maybe you would like to upgrade the status of the relationship, from casual and seeing others to "dating" but no commitment for marriage or living together or anything serious like that.

Seeing him once a week does leave him time to see others, but does indicate that you are a steady type of situation.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
In reply to: nickia2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 6:54pm
thanks! i guess im just a bit nervous, but i feel that it shouldnt be an issue because if has had no problem with me initiating the "3x a week phone calls" and visits etc, i think that should be ok. i guess im a little nervous because im not sure how he feels, but i am a bit confident that he really wasnt interested at all, he wouldnt be wasting his time. i had told him that i was going to visit this week and i didnt get a chance so i just called to say that i would see him on monday and said that i thought it was "sexy" when he asked me what i was doing etc and that i liked it. i plan on mentioning it to him again on monday if he doesnt mention it to me before i do. i dont think that would be a problem. i have to admit though, im a sucker for his welcome 3 minute bear hug and quick kiss. lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
In reply to: nickia2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 11:43am
Good luck with your talk. Are you sure that you only want a casual thing with this guy? Sometimes it sounds as if you like him a little more than that...;-). 3 minute bear hug?! That's a good hug! Enjoy!