A ramble & could use constructive advice

Avatar for catz_play
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Registered: 03-26-2003
A ramble & could use constructive advice
4
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 6:11pm
About 3 months ago I was contacted online by a guy that was intrigued with my username. I didn't think too much of it and we became good IM/email buddies. I was just ending a relationship and wasn't interested in anything at that moment. As time went on, he became a good friend and we both reaized that we were interested in pursuing more. BTW he lives two hours away - just a reference.

Anyway, we met and hit it off instantly and we both want to continue dating. Yeah for me as he is a great guy and we seemed to just click.

That was this last weekend and in the last 24 hours or so, things have been interesting. It seems this guy has been falling pretty hard during the last couple months and is already talking longer term. Almost to the point where I wonder if this is normal and I should be flattered. Based on what he said last night and wrote me, I think he is in love and wants to tell me that this weekend...i asked a couple others and they agree. I like him a lot, want to get to know him more, and just enjoy this without rushing things.

If he tells me this weekend, I have no idea how to handle it (assuming I am right) How do you tell someone that you don't love them when they make that statement to you?

To top it off, I was made aware (by a 3rd party) that my mom is less than thrilled about me being happy and wanting to see where this can go. Seems she was hoping that it would work out with this other guy I am friends with, but never showed any interest in being more than a friend. Never tried to hold my hand, kiss me, show other physical signs, never said he wanted more than friends, didn't want to spend major holidays with me, etc...but somehow she wants me to be with him...gee that is what I want in a relationship - no signs of love...oh and we are polar opposites on the kid issue - so it would never work ( i don't want them)

So now i have no idea how to approach mom when I want to tell her about this new guy yet she wants me to be with someone who doesn't want anything physically to do with me...I should back up and mention I tried to talk with her about the new guy last night and she showed no interest and changed the subject.

Here I should be eleated that this guy is talking how he believes I am the one for him, but this lack of support from my mom is clouding things...

you would think at my age (early 30's) i shouldn't care what mom says or thinks....

why would anyone want to wait for a guy to come round that hasn't shown interest in nearly a year of friendship...evidently mom thinks we are dating because we hang out on occassion...

thank...just needed to ramble...any constructive thoughts are welcome

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 6:55pm

Yes,

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Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 10:09am
Things can certainly be awkward if he says he loves you and you don't say it back. So I'd take the last poster's advice and be sure to say it before he has the opportunity to say he loves you. Something like you just wanted him to know you are really enjoying getting to know him, and you feel that the longer the "getting to know you" part of the relationship lasts, the better things will be if/when you do eventually completely fall for one another.

I dated a guy who fell in love almost instantly (ok, within a month or so) and then I read something that guys like that tend to "crash and burn" in relationships. Sure enough, within 6 months the guy was ready to move on. Just something to note, not necessarily true for your guy.

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Avatar for catz_play
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 3:21pm
OH I agree that it shouldn't matter but i guess it just bothers me to think she could careless about my happiness and wants me to wait for a guy that has polar opposite goals and never once showed any "more than friends" interest. Its like she rather me ha ve a buddy than a boyfriend...so if it works out - will she ever accept this guy - funny thing..she never met this other guy that only gives all signs of just wanting to be a buddy.

I talked to the new guy last night and expressed how I feel and how I wasn't ready to rush into things, but that didn't mean I wasn't interested in just seeing where things go - I did word it better :)

He was pretty quiet after I talked to him about it, and apologized, but he had just never felt this way before so soon...blah blah LOL

We talked again today and he apologized all over the place and understood where I was coming from and said he would wait as long as needed

Thanks!!!!

Avatar for catz_play
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 3:29pm
Thanks, I as I just posted, I did have a talk with him and I think things will be better now.

I have my guard up too in that I have heard about "rushers" crashing after so long...but on th flip, I have seen many happy couples that started that way and have been married for a great number of years...

Still not sure what I will do if he says it, hmmm...I just know I can't say it if I don't mean it

Thanx!