RE: who pays for date - question to all

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
RE: who pays for date - question to all
1
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 12:27am

This is an issue that is VERY confusing for me. For many years I seemed to date men who, let's say, did not have much money, so whoever had money would pay. Then when I went out with a guy who had a good job, I let him pay because a friend told me that if a guy is really interested in you, then he should pay becuase he is "courting" you. So he pretty much always paid (I would occasionally).

With my last bf it got confusing. I really expected him to pay (he made more than me). We each have a child, so if we did an activity, like go to the museum or skiing, we would each pay our own way and for our own child. But, if the 4 of us just went to dinner, I really expected him to pay. I would pay sometimes, but I also helped him with A LOT of things, proofreading grad school papers for him; helping him with custody stuff, etc, which took A LOT of my time - I feel above and beyond really. So, I guess I figured he should pay for our dates. Mind you we rarely went to nice places for dinner or out anywhere, we went to two movies in a year!!! I would also pay for his tickets to things like my daughters dance recital or school play, etc. Anyway, later in the relationship he started making little comments like, "so are you going to buy dinner?" and I would basically just look at him and ignore him. The more he said little comments, the less I wanted to pay. Especially since he liked to take the kids lots of places and for me to be able to afford to do that, I could not afford to pay for lots of dinners for he and I. However, when we took a vacation (with kids) we each paid for 50% of everything for the whole trip.

So now I am dating someone else, we've gone on two real dinner dates and he paid both times. He makes A LOT more than me, so I don't know how to proceed. I don't want to not keep up my end, but I am old fashioned I guess. I think that if a man wants to date you, then he should do the paying. Kind of like an engagement ring - men buy them, women don't.

So my question is - how long is it okay to expect the man to pay? At what point in a relationship should things change - should you start to split the check or take turns or should the man mostly pay until you get married? (or break up - lol)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 7:44am
I think the man should do the asking and the paying for the first 2 or 3 months of the relationship. (And by relationshp I am talking about 2 adults dating each other for the purpose of getting engaged and then married - I am not talking about FWB, hanging out or anything like that).He should not pick any date that will be a hardship for his budget. Then as the relationship progresses, the woman can either cook meals for the man in her home (no sex assumed) or begin to ask for dates and pay for them. It's nice if the guy offers to pay, but the woman should pay if she has picked the place and asked the man to go there. Iri