Read this mail: think he'll call again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Read this mail: think he'll call again?
29
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 10:24pm

So I posted about the guy i went to the fireworks with, and then sent a cake to for his birthday. Since then I only had an email from him, so i sent him back an email asking what had happened, that I got the impression the cake overwhelmed him but I really didn't mean anything, just wanted to do something nice for his birthday. My email was an honest and forthright email, nothing too heavy just very open about not being very good with dating games and thinking he'd backed off since the cake. Here's how he replied - what do you think - how likely am I to hear from this guy again??

"don't worry about things so much. The cake was a very nice gesture. I
apologize for not having called you to thank you for it yet. It's been a crazy
week. Still too much work and out every night to celebrate. It was a late one
last night and I'm still in bed extremely hung over. For that reason I will cut
this short. My brain is still in neutral."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 11:33pm

Let's see, you sent him a cake and he couldn't even take 20 seconds to send you an email thank you.

To use a cliche I really hate, he's just not that into you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 1:32am
I am a little confused here. He e-mailed you to say thanks for the cake, but didn't call you the whole week, is that right. I would surely call the person I am dating to say thanks if he did that for me! A cake at the workplace? Wow. For me, that is quite a tellin gesture and something worthy of an immediate thanks by phone. Now if I weren't into the person very much to begin with, or felt that things are going too fast then I would not want to encourage the person more, so perhaps I might not be too excited. Do you feel he is taking you for granted already. Perhaps the cake gesture did overwhelm him, especially when you are still getting to know each other (am I right). I think you need to back off a bit and get busy with other stuff, and certainly let him take the initiative next time.
Avatar for cute_queen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 6:10am
The cake was too much (I am female and it would freak me out too). Saying happy birthday was good enough. He is not interested. Live and learn.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 10:02am

Hi there, actually, just to clarify, he DID send me an email when he got the cake. It said this:

"Hi there,

Thanks for the cake. I'm assuming it's a cake. I haven't opened it yet. I
think it will be my lunch. That was very sweet of you.

On my way home from work I called him to say happy birthday on the phone but got voice mail and left a message. A few days later I still hadn't heard from him so that's when I suspected something and emailed him. I don't think the cake freaked him out, he said not to worry about it in his reply email, I'm just confused with the hot and cold because he seemed so into me on the weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 11:16am

How long ago was it that you went to the fireworks? Personally, I agree with the others and he is just not that into you (to use the stupid catch phrase). He hasn't asked you out again and it sounds like he has had plenty of time. When girls chase guys, most of the time, they will be polite and respond to your emails and calls (and cake) but if they don't initiate the communication and are only responding to your communications, they are pretty much keeping you around because they know that you really like them so you will be there if you want them but they keep you at a distance.

Sorry if this seems blunt, but I don't think that he is really that interested. Maybe he changed his mind after you went out. But stop calling and stop emailing. If he is interested, he'll get in touch with you. If he doesn't you have your answer. Regardless, you should move on and find someone that will be interested.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 11:23am

I'd like to take this in a different direction for a bit.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 11:36am

This MAY happen, spice, MAY. I think it's a little irresponsible to give the OP the assurance that it WILL happen, when it's not very likely based on the history of the interaction between the two.

Based on my experience and those of friends and acquaintances and hundreds of posters on these boards, I would say that it's pretty clear this guy isn't all that into her. She had to initiate the first date last week (after initiating contact a number of times), and has initiated most of the contact this week. That doesn't bode well for his interest level in her, work or no.

I'd be *happy* to have to eat my words about this, but I don't think I will have to.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 11:48am
Unfortunately I didn't know the history.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 7:53pm

create some space and give him a chance to miss you. if he doesn't, then you have your answer. if he gets curious just tell him you have been a bit tied up. but please, no emails, no calls, no texts, and let HIM initiate your next date. that's what i would do.
it's really your call in the end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 9:17pm

Oh god, I'm an idiot!!!! I wish I'd read your post about a half hour earlier... I ended up calling him a little while ago. I figured I'd ask if he still wanted to play tennis with me because when I saw him on Sunday he said he definitely wanted to play again, and I'm starting my MBA next weekend so won't have much time after that. I got voice mail - so left an upbeat message asking if he was still up for hitting some balls again, either tomorrow or some day after work this week. I asked him to call me if he wants to play because I'm trying to get in as many games as I can before my program starts. \

I KNOW I probably shouldn't have done that- but I seriously can't seem to go more than 2 days without trying to contact him. This isn't new, I'm usually like this. What drives me to do it is that I'm soooo utterly confused as to what happened. It drives me so mad that I want to find out something so I can understand what I did wrong or what it was that he didn't like... so I can avoid it in future. But it is so hard to get someone to tell you directly that I just keep trying : ( I wish I could play hard to get but I just can't, i don't know how. I never dated until I was 23 and I think by then I was such a strong woman I have never ever played those dating games. If I meet a guy and we both really hit it off but the guy starts to back away for no reason, I usually try in vain to find out why - up to the point that I tire myself out so much or I meet someone else. I'm honestly such a great person - I've only ever had 2 real relationships in my life and both of those guys think the world of me and would never say I'm a stalker or obsessive or anything, yet I'm sure these guys I date think that because I feel like they don't even give it a chance to see who i really am. : ( I am so discouraged, I can hardly eat.

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