Ready or Not..............

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
Ready or Not..............
7
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 2:25pm

As everyone knows I have been having sex with my BEST FRIEND for a few months now, we still aren't dating or anything. Here is the problem.......Ben took me out for my 24th birthday...we had dinner and then e introduced me to his new friends. We all went out drinking. We had sex, no big deal right? We didn't use a condom. I wasn't worried because I use birthcontrol (IUD) Ben, got a lil freaked out at first, then told me why. His fiance last year had 2 abortions. Ben also told me that he can't wait to eet that someone and have kids with. Anyway, because I am on BC, we decided it felt better with out a condom, after all we weren't unprotected right? We got to talking the other night about what if I did get pregnant. He said he wouldn't leave me hanging, but it wouldn't change his mind aout us being more than "Special Friends". He told me that if he had to choose soeone to give him a child other than the person he may be married to, he would want it to be me......whatever that means. So, with all said I told him my period was due on the 28th and I would call as soon as it came. The entire month I have been getti ready for a really big test for work. I often feel run down and sick when I get nervious. Yesterday was my exam, yt today I still felt tried and sick to my stomach. I went to Wal-Mart and got one of those test before you miss test.........PREGNANT! Do I wait to tell him, or should I tell him. We live 2 hours from each other, so I could hide it, although hi family knows about us and lives in the same town...the big wuestion is HOW DO I TELL HIM?
Will he think I let myself get pregnant. Did he subconsiously want me to get pregnant?

PLEASE I NEED ADVISE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 3:01pm
Although, I've experienced this scare, the test never came out positive. This one's tough, because this is a life altering thing. Ask yourself this....what do you want? Whatever you decide in regards to this baby, is your choice, no one elses. In regards to Ben and what his role, shall be, is entirely up to Ben. You have no control over him and you need to come to terms with that, first. Expect nothing and you lose nothing. If you're determined to have this baby with our without him, then you lose nothing by telling him....you know what I mean? You need to figure out what you want first....then, Ben. You need to come up with a plan for you and your baby...then talk to him. If he wants to participate, fine, if he doesn't, then that's fine too. There's no sense in him speculating how or why you got pregnant....you are, and that's the bottom line...no if's, and's or but's. I would take the approach of: "I have something to tell you, , take your time, think about it and let me know what you think would be appropriate to do". Give him the time he needs to figure it out -- he'll be shocked, to say the least. All I can tell you is to be strong and confident. My little girl taught me that I can do anything, even raise a child by myself....I never imagined I could be so strong. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 3:40pm

I would suggest going to the doctor first and confirming your suspicions. Those tests are relatively accurate these days, but not 100%. Some medications can give you a false positive result. And I can't remember which way it is, but either false positives or false negatives are more common. And while those tests are a good indication one way or another, you should ALWAYS get it confirmed by a doctor when it comes up positive. So until you do that, hold tight. See if you can get in at your doctor or a clinic ASAP.

At that point, you have some tough decisions to make. He has the right to know and be involved in the decision making, but only you can make the final decision as he has already declared that he will not be more a part of your life even if you should become pregnant. As for how, as straightforward as possible and as soon as you know your results from your doctor.

Very ironic that it happened that way but hopefully all will go well, he won't think you did it "on purpose" and you can make the best decision for yourself and your potential new baby. Good luck!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 6:40pm

First of all, I think it's very unusual that you became pregnant using an IUD.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 6:55pm

You are not going to like what I have to say. Honey, your 'best friend' is engaged and cheating on his fiance. If you are having sex with him, he is more than your best friend, he is your lover and boyfriend.

YOu say you had protected sex, no you didn't, you didn't wear a condom. If you thought you were protected from pregnancy, why did you get pregnant? Aren't you afraid of getting a disease?

What advise can you expect to receive? The harm has already been done. You are pregnant and the father-to-be is engaged to another woman and wants to marry her. What can you do?

The sh*t has hit the fan. You are going to have to face the problem head-on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 12:42am

I may be wrong but I got the impression he was no longer with his fiancee- the one who had had 2 abortions.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 8:12am

To clear everything up, Ben is not engaged and hasn't been for a year. I understand that we won't be together just because of this baby. I just don't know how to tell him...... I did confirm pregnancy. I ould never end any pregnancy. I know that Ben would not leave me hanging, if anything we would fight over who would raise our baby. The proble still remains that Ben is very sensitive and I dont kow how to tell him. Thanks for all the advice. And to the person who was wondering how I got pregnant using and IUD, they are just like condoms 99.9% efective, so they can fail. NO I was not worried about any diesease, at least not from Ben. I have decided to go to his house this comming week and tell him in person.

Thanks Again,
and if anyone has any ideas please let me know

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 10:22pm

I'm sure that it's overwhelming for you, and I can understand your hesistation.

Photobucket