really confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
really confused
3
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 3:12pm
I really need some help or answers. This is the first time I have been on here. I have been seeing a man for about four and 1/2 years. I love him very much , but due to his insistance we see other people. He says we will only screw up our friendship and relationship if we change things. After intercourse this morning, we were in the middle of a quiet moment and out of the blue he said that a gentleman that came into my place of employment , who just wanted to visit me, needs to be told by me or himself, that he can no longer come in and see me. This man is a friend only!! and only a aquaintance only. Is

the man I have the relationship with jealous? Does he really feel more for me than friendship and affection, or is this just wishfull thinking on my part and he just simply wants this other man to go away because he does not like him??? I need help!!

Bambie
Avatar for macgyver17
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: bambie62
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 3:55pm
What's confusing about this situation? You are having a friends with benefits for 4 1/2 years b/c this man insists you both not commit b/c it will ruin your friendship?? Come on.

Obviously, if he asked you to get rid of this other man, then he is jealous. Why don't you two either make your relationship OFFICIAL. You need to help yourself and ask this man to have some decency and not use you. Sorry to be blunt, but to stay in a casual relationship that long is absurd and only hurts the two of you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: bambie62
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 4:04pm
Your post was a little confusing. I didn't understand what you were trying to say about seeing other people, and I don't understand why you ask if your bf feels more than friendship for you when you are having sex with him (obviously that's more than friendship). However, please be aware that in a healthy relationship, one person does not tell the other who they can see or not see, what they should wear, how they should act, etc. etc. You are both human beings who have the right to do what you want to do and be who you want to be. Only when both people AGREE on the parameters of the relationship can both be happy. Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear after you've invested so much time in this relationship, but it doesn't sound like a healthy one to me. Your bf sounds controlling and selfish. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
In reply to: bambie62
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 9:07pm
we cant tell you what he's thinking or feeling

you have to do that yourself by talking to him

thats the only guidance i can give you