Rejection after first date

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Rejection after first date
11
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 2:43am

:-( It still hurts to be rejected even though I had rejected the guy in my mind already after that first date. Why does it still hurt? Sure, we were not a good fit. I found him a tad irritating too. Always being that smart aleck at every line. Ofcourse, I wasn't the right fit for him. Am too nice, polite, conservative (Oh and he seemed to ignore any discussions on "volunteer work" that I like to do....and he had the nerve to still ask me "But what do you do for FUN?") and much more mellower. Can't volunteer work be fun for someone?

Well, he disappeared from the scene for 10 days after that date and it was me who wrote to him to ask what's up and that's when he came out with the truth. It was still confusing, coz he had wanted to sit in the car and chat and did not initiate a goodnight at all long after..even asked me if he could walk me to my door etc. Did he have ulterior motives that night?

This truth of someone rejecting us does hurt, but why...., when we weren't interested in the other person to begin with? If he had shown interest in me, I'd have told him immediately that this isn't a good fit. Since his e-mail, I have been feeling let down, a bit worthless. I did give him a fitting reply though - nice but a very honest reply about what I thought of his behavior in general.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 12:09pm

Your ego was hurt... it's pretty simple. You want a man to want you even if you don't want him.

Actually, I don't think "hurt" is the right word in this scenario, because it was clear you two weren't compatible from that first date. What you really felt was INSULTED. You were offended and taken aback when this guy didn't call you or write you to ask you out again. Because if he had, you would have had the privilege of telling him it wasn't going to work. Instead, he told YOU... first through his silence, and then in response to your email. I agree with Vexer that you set yourself up for that final slap.

People can be great actors and they can be exceedingly polite on a first date, when all the while they cannot wait for it to be OVER. You never know what's going on inside someone else's head. And sometimes a person is actually comfortable being with you in the moment... but it's not an experience they care to repeat.

The only time I believe you have a reasonable expectation to a "Sorry, but it's over" conversation is when you've been dating someone regularly for at least a month or more. If it's only been one or two dates, I would consider silence to be a clear enough message.

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