relationship choices cuz bf moving

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2004
relationship choices cuz bf moving
1
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 11:51pm
Two months ago, my boyfriend of 10 months accepted a job offer to work across the country. Because I am too young to even consider marriage, we determined it is best to simply break up when he leaves. If we still feel we're the best for each other later on, we'll try getting back together.

We have four months until he moves away. I find myself loving him more and more as each month passes by. I know the hurt I'll experience when he leaves and we break up will intensify over the next four months (versus if he left now). Because of that increased pain and the fact that we're breaking up anyway, many people have adviced me to break up with him now. I am a little unsure about this because why would I intentionally put myself in a bad state when I am so happy with him now just so I can hurt less in the future?

The second option that I have heard some people advice is to stay together, be in a long distance relationship, and allow each other to date other people. As good as staying together sounds, I don't believe in being in an open relationship. It's hard for me to trust our relationship when I know he is seeing other people. Am I being unreasonable?

So...should I stay with him until he leaves, break up with him now, or stay together while dating other people?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 1:19pm
I think you should go with the flow instead of planning out how the relatinship should go. Why not take the attitude of enjoying every interaction with each other, and focusing on contributing to the relationship in a positive way? Then, when the time comes and he moves away make the effort to stay in contact in whatever way you can, whether it's e-mails and phone calls or occasional trips to see each other, or whatever. If your relationship has a strong foundation and both of you make the effort to keep it going on the path it is on now, then you will grow closer or at least maintain what you have developed to this point. If you don't have a strong foundation, the distance will just intensify the cracks and weaknesses in the relationship, and you will see each other drifting apart. That's usually when other people enter the picture. So if that happens, at least you know you gave it a shot, and maybe you can at least remain good friends. And at this point, you really don't know how long the separation will be. Things happen, maybe the situation he's going to won't work out and he'll come back. So why end a relationship now if you're happy. You can't see all the bends along the road that can impact your situation. Every relationship goes through some adversity and it's how you handle it that determines your character. If you're willing to give up and throw away a relationship just because it may not be exactly the way you want it for awhile, then you're really saying you don't have what it takes to make it work long term. I'd say make the best of your relationship now so when he leaves you have the strongest foundation possible. Then see where it goes.