relationship=losing sense of self?!
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| Sat, 03-06-2004 - 6:30pm |
I regularly read and occasionally post here...so I am hoping to get some input into a dilemma.
I am single and absolutely love it...most of my serious relationships were ball and chain type...as in I felt tied down and was never really able to be myself. I have that now and am loving it!
But...I am thinking that I may have found someone that could be turning into some serious, new feelings here. It's not fear of being hurt or anything...I just like my life and am not sure how to not compromise it. The guy is great...we are good friends (he actually used to be my student a while back when he was in high school and have stayed in contact and have since become close). Is this an odd part that I should be concerned about? I'm concerned about how I am feeling here, so it's about that but also about concern over freaking him out?
The bottom line is...how do you maintain your sense of self in relationship? Is this possible to do?
Thank you everyone :-)

You can loose a sense of yourself in a relationship if you let that happen. That will always lead to an unhealthy relationship though. Don't give up the things that are important to you and make you happy as an individual, and you won't loose your sense of yourself.
You always have to remember that you have a choice in everything you do. So, a lot of it has to do with the men you choose to be with. Demand of YOURSELF that you will only accept a man who is accepting of you and the fact that you have your own agenda. A mature, secure man will celebrate your independence. I hope that your new guy fits this description.
If you've selected the right man for you, all you have to do is continue living your life and make him a part of it, and vice versa. There ARE compromises in any relationship. But it should go both ways. If you find yourself doing all the bending and accommodating, then you know you are headed down the "ball and chain" path again, and you need to reevaluate your choices.
Thank you also to everyone who is posting. I am really not a doormat and I hope I didn't come across as one. I didn't realize at all how absurd things must have been until I read what people had to say. Apparently I have yet to enter into a healty relationship!