Relationships with Older Men

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Relationships with Older Men
3
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 4:56pm
I need advice!

I am in Grad school and recently a older classmate of mine asked me out. I went out with the guy on a date and had a great time, but felt weird the whole time because he was so much older than I was. He later told me that he hoped I wasn't disappointed in him. No, I wasn't disappointed, just shocked at his age. He has kids my age!

He is such a nice guy and I enjoy talking to him and he keeps talking to me. I am just confused. Should I continue the relationship as a friend or go on with a relationship with the guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 6:08pm

Hello rogoosegirl, welcome to the board!


You have to decide what feels right for you. There is no set answer here. It depends on your relation with this man, how you feel about it and whether you gain enjoyment from it or not.


This is commonly referred to as a May-December romance... sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't - but, that is not necessarily due to the age but rather to the individuals themselves...


Here is another board that you may want to visit for more insight

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 1:03am
So it was a date.

I think you both need to clarify what your interaction is supposed to be, aside from being classmates. If he views it as a date and you want to socialize with him with that kind of "understanding," then do so. If not, then make it clear to him that you are only interested in being friends.

Why are you confused? Do you think that you might like him in a romantic sense, inspite of the age difference? Is that an uncomfortable possibility for you?

You can like a man...whatever age...as long as you are aware of your own boundaries (dating? friendship? collegial/professional?). You don't necessarily have to "box" your interaction with him, but I think that you should be honest with yourself with what you want about this interaction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 6:27pm
This may sound ambiguous but, I think one of the things I value most in a relationship (friendship or otherwise) is *comfort*. Comfort, comfort comfort. If I can't be myself with that person or is something just bugs me or tugs at my intuition from the very start, I think carefully about whether continuing a relationship makes sense. After all, I think we're all looking for people we can relate to, be ourselves around, let it all hang out with, get to know honestly and unwind with. I'm not saying he isn't a good choice for you or that a relationship with this guy is out of the question, but I *do* think that, if the age difference bothers you enough, that's enough reason to say, "Hey, let's be friends." Some things bother me that would not faze someone else and we're all different. I don't mind when my partner comes over and helps himself to a coke in my fridge without asking-- other people would go nuts.

Something to consider is: Are you trying to talk yourself into liking him when you really don't feel attracted to him? This is really your call: either it bothers you enough that you'd rather be friends...or you're attracted enough that it doesn't. And only you can answer that.

Good luck and take care-

Michelle