Revealing about friends to bf's/gf's
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| Thu, 08-18-2005 - 12:44am |
This is a general question.
If a friend reveals personal information about his relationship with his gf/bf (For eg. if the relationship is not going well), would you share this information with your own bf/gf? How personal is information about relationships?
On a different line, my other question is, if the friend says NOT to tell anyone about this, and if your bf/gf inquires about this, would you keep your word and not reveal anything to even THEM (and tell a lie that you dont know anything?), or are significant others generally excluded from such conditions? If not a lie, then, is telling them that you know the answer to the question but have to maintain silence because you gave your word to the friend, be any better? (even though it sounds awkward and hurtful, in a way to the bf/gf)
Just want to know what you all think about this, because I am sometimes confused, and don't know what the expectations are. One would want to be fair to both parties: friend as well as bf/gf.

In the first instance, I would probably share the information with my bf. I'm assuming that your bf can be trusted not to blabber it all over the place, of course ;-).
In the 2nd instance, I'd just say something like, "she's having some trouble but she asked me to keep the specifics condidential for the time being". I would think most people would respect that.
Sheri
I'd say it depends on just how serious your relationship is. I'm married and I don't keep secrets from my husband. There better not be anything that anyone tells me that I'm supposed to keep a secret from him. If they tell me specifically not to tell him, then I would tell them not to tell me either.
If my husband was instead a boyfriend I was seeing casually or hadn't make a serious commitment to, then I wouldn't feel that there was any reason to give him details of what friends had told me in confidence. It just wouldn't be any of his business then.
ITA with Sheri. If the friend asks you to keep things confidential, then respect the friend's wishes by saying something like that.
Even in the first instance, I don't think there is a reason to mention is specifically unless your bf asks or unless you are all very close friends and there is a reason for the bf to know that there are problems.
Even in the case of a spouse, I don't believe it is keeping secrets if your friend has asked you to keep something confidential. If they say specifically "don't tell your husband" I would want to know why but I think that is very different than the generic, "please don't tell anyone about this". In the second case, I still think you just don't say anything unless the spouse says "Hey, Jim mentioned that he and Jane are having problems. Has she talked to you?". Unless it comes up in conversation, I don't see any need to go blabbing about someone else's problems to you bf or spouse.
thanks..
i do like idea of giving a general picture to the bf and then letting him know that i was asked to keep the details confidential for the time-being. that's fair to both parties.
yes, i agree a bf who i am only seeing casually, really has no business knowing anything.
tho, sometimes, when it's a serious relationship, and even when the bf hasnt brought up the topic, one might feel the need to "share" it and express sorrow...just to keep him updated (if he is familiar with this person). and, other times, one could feel the need to share..say when the bf asks "so is carrie going to be there too?" even though this isn't a direct question, but this might still lead to my telling him the details. and it was during such a situation, that i was confused what to say/not say.
thanks folks...for the clarification.