Road Kill
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Road Kill
| Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:21am |
I have been (happily) separated from my husband for nine months. I am 44, but everyone tells me I look five-ten years younger. I am considered stylish, have a good, job, am incredibly happy.
However, all I meet are men who are recently broken-up, separated, divorced. I have pursued relationships with two of these men, but am increasingly frustrated. I wonder if I am giving off the wrong vibe or something and so only attracting wounded and unavailable men. It's easy enough to just say, "Don't go out with them unless they are a year, or two, past their divorce." But it seems that every man between the ages of 35 and 45 is in this state! So what do you do?

I just was dumped tonight by probably the most decent, caring man I've dated in a long time. Reason why? He's only a year out from a heinous divorce, without really healing, and we've been seeing each other for 5 months. It was such a sad telephone conversation, us two. He didn't call me all week and I'm about to leave for an extended business trip, so I thought I'd call him. In so many ways, I wish I hadn't, but he had to do what he had to do. I actually told him please don't feel bad for this inability to make a commitment. He's a good guy, and I think that if I met him in my 20's, I'd have found the man of my dreams.
My advice, keep your sense of humor through it all. Don't ever lose that. Keep your spiritual side burning. Be open to what God or the universe is teaching you. As cliche'd as this sounds, believe what you've been through makes you better when you encounter it again (and again, don't lose faith). Trust the guy for at least the first few dates, but always honor the inner spirit that puts up those red flags. Believe everything a man tells you at face value, never think "oh, I can change his mind". And always believe in yourself. You are a bank, put as many investments in as you can. And most of all, no matter what risk you take, if you lose, honestly know you can love again. Only time that stops is if we go to the old bone yard and moulder.
I'm hurting right now from losing my sweet, gentle, walking wounded soldier, so I can definitely feel your pain. Stay positive!! I'm trying to.
Jane
You don't say how long you were with your husband but being just 9 months out of a marriage - are you really looking to settle down? Perhaps the reason you know that newly separated men aren't ready for serious relationships is that you're in the same space?
Just enjoy yourself for now, and know that not ALL men are just out of relationships.
I think it's a casualty of our ages.
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