Role Reversal

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Role Reversal
2
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 5:49pm
I have been dating a wonderful man for the past year who really is a prince. My friends and I joke that he's Harry from Sex and the City - he may not be beautiful, but boy does he have a heart of gold and loves me to pieces. Throughout our relationship he has been the one pushing forward with the layers of commitment and I have been the one slowing things down and taking my time. After a year I consider myself in love with him - not the rip his clothes off, obsessed with having sex 24/7, can't keep my hands off him kind of love, but the comfortable, happy, warm fuzzy kind of love that comes from knowing he will always be loyal, faithful, kind, tender, and true to me. He's the kind of man one grows old with, the kind who would be by my side if I'm struck down with a terrible disease telling me I couldn't be more beautiful. He's not the stunning prince charming I envisioned as a little girl, but he's a real man who will love me until I'm 90. We don't ever talk about our "relationship status" because I set the pace early on that I didn't like those conversations - rather like just enjoying each other and our time together instead of always labeling and reassessing our status like many women do. But I am now 35, not getting any younger, have no interest in rejoining the dating pool, and am wondering if it is time to consider the next level of a more permanent relationship ... the M word (or at least the E word). How does a girl tell her guy that she would like to open up the topic of taking the next step without coming across as that horrid desperate stereotype?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
In reply to: slyefox
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 6:41pm
Well it seems you re in a rather marvelous position to do this actually. If it has been you that has been slowing things down and holding labels back, maybe he will be thrilled that you want to finally talk about where you guys are going. Do you live together? Have you met family and important people?
Do you see the two of you going through a traditional engagement with a ring and the big wedding planning or do you envision something more laid back? I think as we get older the way we bring these topics up should start shedding the cliches. I understand that you dont want to be the typical woman begging for scraps of identifying info on the relationship:) but I dont think it sounds possible by any stretch that you could appear this way. It sounds like he adores you and you just need to smile at him and tell him what has been growing in your heart. He may need to hear it from you if you have been keeping the pace slow up until now since he might fear scaring you off if he mentions it.
Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: slyefox
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:55pm

slyefox...

PG thinks it's okay for a woman to bring up the "M" word if she feels the time is right.

BUT......

Can you accept the possibility of a negative response---and continue to have feelings for the man you're obviously in love with?

He might like the idea of only having a casual relationship with you...even though you're ready to take a step or two forward?

Pianoguy