Rules About Dating Several Men
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Rules About Dating Several Men
| Mon, 07-23-2007 - 12:49pm |
Hi,
I have read lots of books and articles on dating, but I could never really understand one thing. Most of the dating advices always talk about how a woman should date other men untill a guy asks her to be his official girlfriend. At the moment, I have a few men in my life that take me out. I only kissed one of them, but haven't done anything else with others. So, what kind of rules apply to dating several men at the same time? Is it okay to kiss and make out with them, or should I be very distant and unapproachable in that sense? I think that it's kind of slutty to do that, but at the same time I would like to know if there is sexual chemistry between me and my suitors. Any advice or guidelines when it comes to monogamous dating?

I know I've written several posts on this topic recently. I'll try to find one and bump it up for you.
Everyone has their own way of doing things. I prefer to date one man at a time and really get to know him and see if he is right for me in any way - maybe just casual dating or maybe a long term relationship - but one person at a time. To date other men would just be a distraction and would prevent any real connection being formed with the one who is right for you. So unfortunately the advise books are wrong, JMHO.
Another advise book that is dead wrong is "Mars & Venus on A Date". What a crock of sh$t this book is...a disaster. John Gray gives license to terrible behavior from men. I have dated and married and only one person pulled the "rubber band" routine with me and that was the end of that relationship, eventhough I did like him very much. So women are supposed to SUCK IT UP when a guy decides that he is going to pull away from you...to see if he really wants yo???!!! That is sociopathic behavior...not love. A real relationship with a real man (who really wants a real woman) starts out with interest, dating, getting closer and closer until the relationship either breaks up or ends in marriage. That, ladies, is how it is supposed to be.
I should have known that John Gray would never give any one any real advise. This book should be taken off of the market for aiding and abeting mental abuse of women. He cant even get the female orgasm right...how would anyone rely on him for relationship advise.
He gives constant excuses as to why men dont' cooperate in relationships: why doesn't your man take out the garbage...because...he feels your resentment. Oh really? Well, just like I told my mother earlier...he can either feel my resentment or my foot up his ass kicking him out the door. Take your pick...resentment or foot. Because...we have a right to be angry when men get lazy after "stage 3" and feel that they completed their task and wooed us and now they can sit back and relax...bullsh#t!
Oh...and what is this ridiculousness about giving a guy a "friendly" call in between his rubber band snaps just to let him know it is okay for him to approach again??!!! Because...if you DARE stand up for yourself and make it clear you are not here for his amusement...then he will be too afraid to make an approach and apologize. Screw that!! When did this happen to everyone?!!
I first picked up the book today. What is this b.s. about "recognizing" your "soul mate"? If you believe in soul mates then realize that you have many soul mates throughout your life. I personally dont believe in soul mates...it's just more garbage to make women nuts. And Gray says that you and your soul mate have unconditional love and no matter what he does to you you are going to love him? I dont think so. Everyone has their limits. Everyone needs to love themselves enough to not accept horrible treatment.
hi!!
i don't think its wrong at all, guys do it all the time. besides, you can't be stuck with one person who you don't really have a connection with. and to find that you have to see whats out there to get what you really want. i think you should keep dating the guys you are seeing right now and if you want to go to the other level, then why not as long as you don't hurt them emotionaly, it should be alright. or just keep it friendly until you'll find more about them to go to the next step. don't worry about the whore thing. whores do it for no reason or get paid, you're doing to find a soul mate. GOOD LUCK
Read the book "date like a man" and you'll get your answers.
I'd re-phrase the statement of <<>>> You don't have to wait till a man asks you because you're the one picking them, you are the one dating them. Why should a woman wait? Men date several women at one time and pick the one they like so why can't women do the same?
Rules while dating several men:
1. Date several men at one time to get more chances at meeting "Mr. Right for you"..
2. Kiss and don't tell.
3. Get to know them in several environments.
4. Demand respect and don't take crap from any man.
5. Sleep with them only when you have had the "being exclusive talk".
6. You date the men, you pick the one good for you.
7. Don't wait till they make up their minds. They may never make up their minds because they are dating several women.
8. If it doesn't work don't mop on it. Be practical, there is a sea of men out there. That's how men think and get over a woman. Sounds familiar?
9. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
10. Enjoy the dating experienc. It doesn't have to "be work".
Hey there,
Well these are pretty much the rules that I have been dating by recently. But, there are a few new ones, so thanks for your feedback. I might check out that book, so going to search for it on amazon. I do have one question though. How do I let them know that I picked them? I mean, from what I know, the girl is not supposed to have the talk first. So, from what I've read from your post, it's the other way around? By the way, does it also say anything about doing a little more than kissing? I would never sleep with someone unless he is my bf, but I do still like to have some steamy make-out sessions rather than just kissing, even though I only kissed with one guy so far, that's it. Thanks again for your advice!
Thanks guys for your feedback!
<<>>
Where do you find that the girl is not supposed to have the first talk? From grandma or an older book in the 19th century? Nowadays, women are powerful and know themselves. They don't "wait" for the man to have the talk.
If you like a guy that you've been dating for a while and know that there could be a future together, that he has similar values and that both have some commonalities in character and view in morals, life and goals then YOU may say to him: "I feel that we could get to know each other better at a more personal level and be exclusive. I like the view you have on......insert..... and the way you conduct your life. We have similar goals and such....add more if you want".
That leaves the door open for him to answer you. If he says "Yes, I feel the same way" then you know that you and him will seriously date and get to know each other. IF not, the it's be "OK, I see your point, BUT I'm not at that point of my life where I see myself with one woman only. I want to date more, blah, blah..". That only says that he's not the one for you because you're ready and he's not. Then you move on. No hard feelings or else. No crying and such because you don't even know him. You feel attracted by his personality, but you don't know him. Even if you wait he may never pick you because he's not on the same page and that will only aggravate the level of frustration, yours.
<<<<>>>
That depends on you. If you want to do heavy petting and almost get naked then you do so, BUT there are consecuences to that. You're sending mixed messages because after the kiss turns into erection for men and other for women then you've past the line to a sexual relationship. Even if there is no oral or intercourse, you're sexually excited and the next step for men is all the way, unless they're not into that.
In my view, you can kiss a guy, yes and that doesn't mean that you're committed. You can kiss and make out, but keep your hands off his privates and keep his hands off your boobs and privates. That will set a limit for both of the parties. You like each other and such, but your dating casually and are not exclusive so there is no sex involved. In my experience. heavy make out sessions and heavy petting only lead to one thing...sex soonner or later.
If you want to havce sex, have the exclusive talk and get the medical statement with a CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH for every std in the bookand aids/hiv.
It's your call.
HI Light and Bright,
Thanks for your advice. It makes perfect sense. Definetly a classy way to date men without being too much. XOXOX
SasH
It's ok to
It's ok to