this is s really long mind bender...
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| Sat, 10-09-2004 - 4:50pm |
I have met the most perfect man, okay I can't really sat met, because I've actually known him for some time. I am worried we have made a bit of a mess. When we saw each other again after not being in contact for a while, we stayed up very late talking about life, and experiences and travel, and love and breakups (I broke up with a long time boyfriend five months ago, and he is actually a mutual friend of my ex's and mine). This however did not stop us from falling into bed together, which was wonderful and disastrous at the same time. But in the morning everything was okay, and we made plans to see each other on an actual date, which went really well but did not end together. He called every couple of days leading to the date to make plans. We make each other nervous as 16 year olds.
We get along really well, we talk about the same things, like many of the same things. We are both creative and both work at other jobs doing in the same business. We like the same books (very important, in fact we share a favorite book of all time), the same films (important) and some of the same music (important - we could learn alot from each other) .
When we were at dinner, we ate off each other's plates, and we are in physical contact all the time, knees touching, shoulders touching. We are very affectionate toward each other.
We have the same or similar goals both in business and in creative pursuits.
When we were talking I sort of got a hint about his having been attracted to me for a long time and me not noticing. When I look now at all the time I have known him I can honestly say I never thought about it. Fidelity is very important to us both. He brought up that when he marries, he will never be divorced. And he brought up the subject of children.
Then he droppped the bomb, he said he thinks we are going to have to take this very slowly. That I am coming off a big relationship and he has things in his past that he wants to make peace with and clear emotionally before he starts something that right now has a very serious seed of potential. He tends to be very serious emotionally, really very deep, soulful. I know he was very very badly hurt in the past and has dated disastrously since then.
We continued to have a perfect date, loving and I caught him being happy and goofy about me.
We were just so happy when we were together.
Now here's the problem. He hasn't called and it has been two weeks. I know that this may get complicated with mutual friends of his, mine and my ex's (most of whom my ex turned his back on with his new girlfriend). I think in the end these mutual friends would be happy for us, one who knows about us already is. I called out of frustration, and only got his voicemail. It is so unlike him not to call. he's just not that sort of person.
Do I try calling again? I owe him dinner out no matter what happens, and we never got to the movie for talking all night last time I saw him...I wish he'd call me but...

I know you had a nice evening and you were talking about very important things, but that is all it was - talk. It does not mean that he is going to call or turn this into a relationship.
It is possible that he is seeing someone else and that is why he told you he wanted to take it slow. Or it's possible he really does not have time/emotions for a relationship. Either way, I would not dwell on it. If he calls again, go out and have a good time, but if only calls like every 2 or 3 weeks, then you know that he is just using you and you should not waste your time.
I'd say two weeks is much too long for him to wait to call you. If he truly felt a connection to you, he'd have called much sooner.
I wouldn't contact him at all. I know this is a hard decision to make and a hard conviction to stick to, but you need to move on. Believe me, I know how hard it is to move on when you're convinced there's a thread of hope somewhere.
But honestly, see if you can try to move on. There are all sorts of twisted reasons why people we date seem "perfect" for us and then....they disappear. It really stinks. But it is what it is - if a guy's not showing interest back, then there's really nowhere for the situation to go.
More than likely when he told you the taking slow line it was that he met someone else he was interested in and was interested in dividing his time. The fact he hasn't called you in two weeks, seems to me his interest is elsewhere.
Do NOT call him again and try to move on with your life, if you two are "meant to be" you'll meet up again at a better time for both of you.
On the flip side he could have been wisked away at a last minute meeting out of town, however in the age of cell phones etc. there really is no excuse for not being able to call, unless he was whisked away to Nigeria and he doesn't have cellular service there.