Saw something I shouldn't Have - Upset

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2006
Saw something I shouldn't Have - Upset
2
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:57am

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. Been busy. Everything's been fine up until today when I saw something that literally made me nautious. I've been so good regarding getting over the whole thing with my ex. I mean, we never got back together, we were just sort of "messing around" buddies for a little bit. Then he moved out to the hamptons with 3 buddies into a house and has his new party crazy life. I'm sure a lot of you know my story. I had an std scare because of him, he's into non-stop partying (him and all his friends promote for all the clubs and bars out east), he's always with tons of girls, he's always using lots of different drugs now, etc etc etc. I know I shouldn’t even care what he's up to, since we're not now and never did start dating again, that was over 2 years ago. I don't even like this new person he's become, it really turns me off actually. But for some reason, what I saw this morning REALLY REALLY got to me. Here's what happened.

I am really good when it comes to not calling/emailing, etc. However, I do have a little problem with going to his myspace page and "checking up" on him from time to time. Well, this morning I saw a little slideshow of pictures of him partying at a club. They had little captions at the bottom like "the beautiful megan and kelly" and "the lovely laura" - all with him holding them of course. Then there was one that really was the knife through the heart for me…. One of him and a girl who I'm 99% sure is his ex, april. It says "my goddess, april". He broke up with her because she cheated on him with one of the guys who is now one of his roomates. I did a little digging and found that it is her. I'm a little hurt and also pretty livid because when we stopped talking he told me not only did he not want to be in a relationship, but he was talking to me about her and said he could never trust her again. I don’t understand it. I'm also mad at myself for letting something like this get to me, but I cant help it, it is. I'm still not even CLOSE to being back as upset as I was when all this happened, but I did take a small step backward in my recovery from him this morning. That gets me more upset than anything. It also bugs me so much that he lied to me about yet another thing (not wanting to be with anyone at all, and the fact that its her makes it even worse being that she betrayed him so badly) - especially when I never did anything at all to hurt him when we were dating and he did such mean things to me (cheating, the std thing, never paying for anything, never doing anything with me, the list goes on and on and on). Anyway, I also realized that if I really stuck to my goal and never went back on myspace again I never would've found this out and I wouldn't have anything to bother me.

Like I said, I'm not even CLOSE to being as upset as I used to be. I mean, it is bothering me, but not to the point where I would actually call, email, text or anything like that. I mean, for a MINUTE I got SO mad that I thought of texting him to ball him out but then I realized that if I did that he would realize that I've been "checking up" and then he would know that this bothers me and think that I want him back, or have feelings for him, or maybe that I'm some crazy stalker, or whatever else he might think.

Anyway, I just came here because it's never failed to make me see things clearer again and understand why this is wrong for me, etc. I'm hoping you guys can do that for me again.

~Jacki

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 12:40pm
Hi Jackia, I answered your post on the other board. Anyhoo... I suggest you stay away from that myspace board and stop torturing yourself. This guy is no good and you will have no kind of life with him. I guarantee he isn't treating these myspace ladies any better than he treated you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:56pm

Very easy ... stop reading his myspace page and you won't be putting yourself back into a position of being hurt or upset. You said it's been two years? Let it go. Don't concern yourself with him or his partying ways anymore ... the longer you allow yourself to continue checking in/up on him ... the longer it will hurt you.

Good luck!