Scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
Scared
4
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 11:57pm

I'm 48 years old, and had been married for 28 years, then over the last few years I have had a couple of online relationships. I'm in a weird situation where I live in the same house as my xH. That complicates things a bit, and I had recently discovered that for the last 2 years he had not accepted we were separated. It had only been through recent counselling that we have gotten an understanding as well as the rules required to live together, since I'm unable to move for 2 years.

I finally decided to stop hiding in a fantasy world and behind my computer. I joined an internet dating/friendship site 4 days ago stating that I really need to take things slow and just be friends right now. I have had a lot of interest, but narrowed it down to 7 men that I'm interested in getting to know more about. I have told them I am talking with others, and what I can handle right now, and I hope they also continue to meet people. I guess I'm taking a stance that if it was meant to be it will be, and if we just end up being friends that is great too.

Now my problem. I'm terrified of actually meeting them in person, but tenatively agreed to meet one tomorrow night. I keep telling myself that this isn't a date, I'm only meeting them like a friend for a coffee. So why do I feel like I am having anxiety attacks. I thought maybe it was because I know they are wanting more in a relationship, and I'm not ready or even know what I really want, and I am scared of making another BIG mistake. Not sure, maybe I am just looking for someone to tell me I will be okay.

Thanks for listening,

Cheryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: serina_dh
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 8:11am

Cheryl...

PG's first suggestion: R-E-L-A-X!

This is a "coffee date" and nothing more. So enjoy the conversation and don't make any plans beyond this! However...if the man you're sharing the caffeine with ISN'T the type you expected...don't be disappointed. Lots of us have been let down by "on-line dates" in the past. What we thought we were getting......WASN'T!

Personally...I'm not too crazy about your living situation. . But if your arrangement has been going on for 2 years, I guess the 2 of you are used to it by now?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
In reply to: serina_dh
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 9:17pm

Works for us, all that matters.

Cheryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
In reply to: serina_dh
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 10:18am

Hi, I am pretty much in the same situation as you are but am not divorced yet. I agree with what you said about your living situation. If it works for you, that is all that is important. Everyone has different circumstances.

As far as the dating, I hope you have a blast. Enjoy. It is very liberating. I have been with my soon to be ex for 23 years and he was my first serious boyfriend. Our marriage has been over for 3 years and I began seeing people a few months ago. It has been fun, stressful and a real learning experience. HAVE FUN! Let us all know how it went.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
In reply to: serina_dh
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 9:54pm

Thanks, coffee went okay. Not sure why I panicked other than it was someone online as opposed to someone I physically met and go for coffee with. New experience maybe.

Nice man, but there wasn't interest for anything more from me.

Cheryl