scared to fall in love

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
scared to fall in love
2
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 7:17pm
I have had my heart broken one too many times...I've been cheated on by guys I really cared about, and my ex-fiance who I was with for 3 1/2 years ended things with me at the beginning of the year. I dated a few guys afterwards but never met anyone I truly had feelings for.

Then, 2 months ago, I met someone while I was on vacation. We spent the whole 2 weeks together and since then, we have spent hours talking every day, either on the phone or on the computer. He's more than I ever could have imagined and from what I can tell he feels the same way about me. He's coming to visit me very soon and I am terrified this isn't going to last either just because of the past experiences I've had. Seeing as we don't even live in the same city, he could easily cheat on me and I wouldn't even know.

I'm a successful, smart woman who is confident in herself, I just have a very hard time trusting men after everything that has happened. It seems that no one stays together anymore and I'm at the point in my life where I want to settle down with the right person. But what if I fall in love and get crushed again? I know this sounds cheesy but I really don't know how to allow myself to believe in love again.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 7:35pm
I understand where you're coming from...I was lied to and probably cheated on in my last r'ship and it DOES make it hard to trust again! Ironically, I'm also involved in an LDR with someone I met on vacation, and I'm definitely having trust issues with him, because of some things he's done that are inconsistent with what he's said. I'm going down to visit him in two weeks (this will be our fourth time together including the weekend we met) and we'll see if we can work through these issues...if not, I'm going to end it as LDRs are hard enough without trust issues. You need to be able to see that his behavior is consistent with his words, over time (the only way to build trust) and that's just hard to do when you only spend short amounts of time together.

HOWEVER, I do have some friends who have successfully built r'ships that started out long-distance, so it can be done. And I'm sure you know not every man is untrustworthy. Pay attention to your gut instincts, and observe his behavior over time as best you can. If you see things that don't make sense, ask about them and see what he says. That's all you can do!

R'ships involve risk...there's no getting around that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 7:36pm
It sounds like things are going a little too fast for you, and you need your mind and heart to catch up. Take things very slow with him, let things just happen, and maybe this time you will be pleasantly surprised!