second time around

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
second time around
3
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 5:47pm
Hi,

I dated a guy for about 2 months, beginning last April. He had some personal problems that he needed to take care of and I wanted something more serious, so we broke up. At the time, he alluded that he would call me when everything was taken care of, but I did not expect him to actually call. Well, he did, about a month ago. Since then, we have gone out about 4 times.

At this point, we are basically just dating. Now, normally after a few dates, I would not expect exclusivity, or even anything serious. But, this is the second time we are dating. We were already broken up, and he came back. What can I expect now? I want to ask him if he thinks we have a future. I don't just want to be someone he is passing time with because the more we see each other, the more emotionally attached I become.

Any suggestions on what I can say? Thanks.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 9:31pm
I think it's too soon to ask him if he sees a future for the two of you, but well past time to ask him what he's looking for in a r'ship *generally* (I would have asked long ago and certainly before getting back together with him).

So, I'd just ask him what type of r'ship he's looking for, to see if you're on the same page. If you are, then the point when you've been dating for 4-6 months total would be a more appropriate time to ask whether he sees the potential for that type of r'ship with you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 10:58am
I wasn't going to ask him to be exclusive with me now. I was planning on asking him if he thought there was potential for us. I do not want to get emotionally invested (again) if he's only calling me because he's "bored." Althuogh I get an amazing vibe when I'm with him, when we're not together, I sometimes wonder what's going through his head. Instead of driving myself crazy, I think I've resolved to bring this conversation up. I was just looking for suggestions on exactly what to say.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 11:42am
My post didn't address exclusivity, so I'm not sure where you got that.

Again, I think it's too soon to be asking if there is potential for "us"; I'd keep the conversation to what his r'ship goals are in general, to see if the two of you are on the same page with what you want in a r'ship.

Sheri