Second time different?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Second time different?
3
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 4:11pm
Hi,

I need some advice. In April I started dating a guy. It went really well for a few months, but then he had some personal things he needed to take care of. We decided to stop seeing each other. I thought that was the end of it, but about a month ago, he called me again. Since then, we have seen each other once per week, much less frequent than the first time we dated.

My question is this: I know if we were together for the first time, I wouldn't expect much from him after only a dates. However, I'm not sure what I should expect from him, considering this is our second time around. Is it too early to talk about "us?" When I asked him why he decided to call me after 2 months, he said he wanted to see what was going on. That's a pretty non-specific answer. I'm not sure that he's ready to commit, although he definitely knows that's what I'm looking for. I also asked him if it would bother him if I were dating someone else and he said it "probably" would bother him. How's that for another non-specific answer!

I'm not sure that I fully described my situation, but I guess any advice would be appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 4:32pm
debzy...

Pianoguy is curious? Did this man indicate he WANTED exclusivity with you and that he was willing to give up dating everybody else and concentrate completely on YOU?

If he's not sure...why should YOU hang around and wait for him to make up his mind? Don't bring up "exclusivity"---let him do it!

The way things sound between you....he should "cool his jets" and keep his mouth shut just in case you'd like to date one or two others. Besides...if you're only seeing each other once per week, this doesn't indicate that the 2 of you will eventually become "reunited" on a permanent basis!

Pianoguy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 6:27pm
My guess is that he called you because he didn't have anything else going on in his life. If he were REALLY interested in you, he wouldn't have stopped seeing you the first time around, and he'd be seeing you more than once a week now. I think it's more than likely that you are an "in the meantime" woman for him. Sorry.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 9:30am


SOUNDS TO ME LIKE THIS GUY LIKES THINGS ON HIS TERMS. ARE YOU OKAY WITH THAT? IT SEEMS THAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM HIM HOWEVER HE CAN'T MAKE IT CLEAR IN ANYWAY WHAT HE WANTS FROM YOU EXCEPT YOUR TIME WHE IT'S GOOD FOR HIM...

IN ANY RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATION IS KEY. SPELL IT OUT FOR HIM, TELL HIM WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR AND WHAT YOU WANT AFTER ALL HE IS THE ONE THAT PERSUED YOU THIS SECOND TIME!! IF HE'S NOT READY FOR THAT THEN DON'T WAIT AROUND OR WASTE YOUR TIME... YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND HAVE SOMEONE RECIPROCATE YOUR FEELINGS... SO I SAY TALK TO HIM AND GET ANSWERS!!