Seeing a married man with extra problems
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Seeing a married man with extra problems
| Wed, 01-28-2004 - 12:01pm |
Hi, I'm 22 and currently seeing a married man. We both fell in love by accident. He was never looking for another woman, and I was in the process of breaking up with my (now ex) boyfriend. The day he knew that I was also attracted to him, he told me that he is married with 4 kids and wanted to get a divorce asap. His wife and kids is currently living abroad, but sometimes they visited him for 2-3 weeks. He is 19 years older than me, but we have almost everything in common. He said that sex wasn't a problem in his marriage; it was the way his wife behaved and treated him. I've met his wife; she was a very rude and abusive person. Everyone who knew her knows that she takes him for granted even though she loves him. They fought a lot, sometimes in public. She has a serious problem but she doesn't want to do anything with it: Once, she put a knife on her 8-months-old son's neck just because her husband didn't come home on time. About 2 months ago, she had her 14-year-old son arrested for insulting her. A few weeks ago, she found out about her husband's affair with me and threatens to commit suicide if he continue with the divorce procedure. The man I'm in love with is worrying about his kids' safety and mental clearness in thinking, since they were always under his wife's care. Now, he doesn't know what to do. If he continues the divorce procedure and she killed herself, he will lose his children's support and he can't live with that since they are his life. Otherwise, he will lose me and continue living in hell. His wife is also terrorizing me, by phone and e-mails. So far she only knew that her husband and I kissed a couple of times, no one could tell what she will do if she knew I've slept with him a few times. My friends told me to quit this future-less relationship, but I really love him, I never felt a love so deep like this one, and I think it's too late now that his wife is obsessed to find out where I live and wanted to confront me. What should I do? If there is still a way to save our relationship, what should we do?

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If his marriage is so horrible and his wife so abusive what does it say about him for staying and for cheating? He thinks his cheating is going to help his kids develop a healthy sense of self esteem? He thinks spending time in bed with you is more important than doing something about the abuse of his children? But of course you are so self absorbed and in love with love that would never occur to you.
Please stop this destructive behavior. It was no accident - you chose to get naked with a married man and continue to do so and you chose to get attached to this fantasy.
Edited 1/28/2004 1:02:36 PM ET by deena33
DO NOT CONDEMN THIS CHILD who has been lead down this path by a man 19 years older than herself, who has very little experience with the world or men to go on.
Of course, this man is a god who has done no wrong and has an abusive wife, that he had no sexual problems with, that he was not looking for another woman to escape from, and a woman who loves him.
There are two sides to every story. This young woman with a problem is about to enter into the beginnings of that lesson. Compassion and sympathy are necessary here, because rather than the wanton temptress you've portrayed her to be, she is instead, the victim, the victim who believes in true love and has been told the right "words" combined with the "act of love" to believe that this true love will prevail.
No, in no way can it prevail; we with experience know that, not in any healthy fashion. If there is an ounce of truth in the mental state of the wife, this girl may very well be in danger, and she is the least guilty of all parties.
Don't you dare yell at me for refusing to support this situation.
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